The first book I ever loved and still hold in a very special place in my heart is the Chronicles of Narnia. I remember reading it and falling in love with the wardrobe which opened itself to a very magical place. If you've seen the movie you know what I mean, but before the movie were the books and only my imagination. I also remember that every closet, closed door, or closed wooden item became to me a chance to get into Narnia. I opened all of them with great excitement and frequently greater disappointment. I'm sad to say, I never got into Narnia through a wardrobe. I did visit there often within the doors of my mind however.
While I can't say for sure, but I think that my Dad introducing me to this masterpiece of writing first beyond any others crafted my love not just of reading, but also of writing. The idea of being able to jump into pools of water in the Wood between Worlds was intoxicating. Though to be honest I didn't remember that aspect of the Chronicles until I was older.
But imagine for a moment what it was like to be a child and being able to open a book, any book, and step into such a magical place where animals talked, wicked witches played havoc and lions brought about life.
I believe that every avid reader has the same sort of memory. We always remember the first book that showed us the magic of our imagination and the richness of worlds beyond our own lives.
I also believe that Narnia was the inspiration for my first hideaway as a child. There was a small empty place underneath the stairs of one of the homes I had lived in on the cusp of being a teenager. I had found it and still, despite several years passing since the first closet I had opened in the hope of finding Narnia, I had opened that small closet door one last time with the same hope. As I said before, I never found it, but instead I made my own Narnia. Except there wasn't talking animals, nor were there wicked witches hoping to dominate the world.
No, in my world there were women who didn't dismiss a child. Women who were strong, powerful, and kind to me. My first hero lived there and for the life of me I can't remember the name I had given her. She was my companion, even when I left my little hole in the wall. She went to school with me, she listened to all my music, heard me talk to my friends. She was there when I did a concert and clapped harder and stronger than anyone in the audience. I confided all my secrets to her and she gave me the strength to grow.
I have since outgrown the childish fantasy of her as my friend. Now, she's my favorite character of all that I have created. I measure all of them to her. She is my muse, my inspiration and at the age of fourteen I finally called her Lady Nyx. A fitting name, a grown up named coming from a mind of (or so I believed at the time) a grown-up mentality. Yet, even now that I'm 30, there is no other name I can give her that would fit quite the same way.
Still, when I think of her, I always remember I found her when I couldn't find my beloved Narnia. I'm much too old to be searching for wardrobes, closet, pictures, or little rings to that could pull me from one world to the next. Instead, I look to the Chronicles themselves, opening the pages and absorbing the words as if it was the first time all over again. I'm that little girl sitting on my Dad's knee listening to him weave the words into a magical world that only I could see.
It's my turn now to take the place of my father as I open the first pages and weave them for my children in the hope of sharing with them the first magical gift I ever received. While I will never tell my children this, I hope one day to find them to be opening every closet, closed door, or closed wooden item in the hopes of finding their version of Narnia. In fact, I hope that all the children of today do the same and never stop believing in magic.
Showing posts with label Current Status. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Current Status. Show all posts
Tuesday, 31 August 2010
Saturday, 28 August 2010
Ranting!
Okay, this should be short....I hope. I just have to get it out of my skull before I collapse in my bed.
Memory Lane! Curse you. Once again, my book is haunting me. I kid you not, I'm in the car today and all I was thinking about was Memory Lane. I had to get my house ready for a guest who never showed and I was cursing about the fact that I couldn't write in Memory Lane. I was driving to an appointment and I was irritated because I'd rather be writing and I won't even get into how the kids kept me from doing it. Then, just to make it worse, my goal of cutting out enough words to have it at the 89,000 words mark failed unless I can find some relief in the first four chapters which I just now remembered weren't subjected to my carving knife.
ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Will this torture never end??????
I think what makes it all the more difficult is that I really like my book. It brought me to tears yesterday in fact. I kid you not, I was reading a powerfully emotional chapter and wanted to bawl like a baby. I didn't, can't imagine explaining that to my kids. No, no, don't want that. Of course, it's a good sign that I wanted to cry, but also a bad sign because I can't be sure if I'm crying because it's emotionally provoking or because I wrote the damn thing.
One last thing about Memory Lane. The biggest crux of all in my opinion. This book has a lot of swearing. When I say a lot, I mean it. I think there is at least one cuss word in every scene. So what happens when I get into the mind of Alex? I start to cuss about EVERYTHING. This is, of course bad, especially considering that the kids are with me all the freaking time. So I have to bite my tongue throughout the day. It's a shock that I don't have permanent grooves in my tongue from the effort.
Anyway, that's where I'm at now. I'm going to carve up the Epilogue then attack Chapters 1 - 5 to inch me closer to my goal word count. Which of course will cause me to have to do the most painful of all things, cut out complete scenes. Just writing it makes me want to bang my head against the keyboard fruitlessly.
And through it all, the only thing I keep thinking is that, I asked for it. I want to do it despite the emotional, mental and physical stress it is putting me through. (On the positive side, I've yet to have a flare up from my wrist....now hopefully I don't jinx myself).
So that's my rant for the night. Damn Memory Lane!
Memory Lane! Curse you. Once again, my book is haunting me. I kid you not, I'm in the car today and all I was thinking about was Memory Lane. I had to get my house ready for a guest who never showed and I was cursing about the fact that I couldn't write in Memory Lane. I was driving to an appointment and I was irritated because I'd rather be writing and I won't even get into how the kids kept me from doing it. Then, just to make it worse, my goal of cutting out enough words to have it at the 89,000 words mark failed unless I can find some relief in the first four chapters which I just now remembered weren't subjected to my carving knife.
ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Will this torture never end??????
I think what makes it all the more difficult is that I really like my book. It brought me to tears yesterday in fact. I kid you not, I was reading a powerfully emotional chapter and wanted to bawl like a baby. I didn't, can't imagine explaining that to my kids. No, no, don't want that. Of course, it's a good sign that I wanted to cry, but also a bad sign because I can't be sure if I'm crying because it's emotionally provoking or because I wrote the damn thing.
One last thing about Memory Lane. The biggest crux of all in my opinion. This book has a lot of swearing. When I say a lot, I mean it. I think there is at least one cuss word in every scene. So what happens when I get into the mind of Alex? I start to cuss about EVERYTHING. This is, of course bad, especially considering that the kids are with me all the freaking time. So I have to bite my tongue throughout the day. It's a shock that I don't have permanent grooves in my tongue from the effort.
Anyway, that's where I'm at now. I'm going to carve up the Epilogue then attack Chapters 1 - 5 to inch me closer to my goal word count. Which of course will cause me to have to do the most painful of all things, cut out complete scenes. Just writing it makes me want to bang my head against the keyboard fruitlessly.
And through it all, the only thing I keep thinking is that, I asked for it. I want to do it despite the emotional, mental and physical stress it is putting me through. (On the positive side, I've yet to have a flare up from my wrist....now hopefully I don't jinx myself).
So that's my rant for the night. Damn Memory Lane!
Wednesday, 25 August 2010
I nailed it....I hope
Tonight I think I finally nailed my query letter. I'm actually, gasp, happy with it. I just hope it works out. Now all I need to do is finish editing the fourth draft, cut out close to 25,000 words *sob*, get it proofread then actually send the blasted thing off to get rejected a dozen so times before I can celebrate the victory of an agent which will then lead to the victor of publishing and starting all over again. YAY!
Sweet Mother, it seems like a long, long, long, long road until I get there. Writing. I remember back when I was 14 and I was swept up into the enthusiasm Mrs. Farrell brought about with her encouragement. I was going to be the next Tolkien. I knew I would be. Now look at me, I'm 30 (no sympathy please because I honestly don't mind it at all) and I'm stilling whining about how much further I have to go.
Well, at least I finished the book...mostly. On Fan Story I've been getting good reviews with great pointers and help from the peanut gallery (and I do mean it in the nicest of ways, honest). And these are complete strangers who have no affiliation with me personally other than a love for the written word so that's something. It can't be all bad. And people tell me that they are writing my name down when I give them a brief synopsis of the book so that when it does get published they'll buy it. We'll see how many actually do so when it does happen.
I have decided to start thinking of it as when instead of if. I made that decision because I figured my semi-pessimistic attitude was getting in my way. That conclusion came about from AJJE Games surprisingly enough. How did it happen? Easy. I had to give a speech (actually it was a long post) and in it I talked about a gentleman who taught me that idealism can push projects through. That got me thinking about that particular lesson.
I'm the first to admit, I don't prescribe to idealism. Too many things in my life have shown me that being idealistic just disappoints you. I could give examples, but I'm feeling pretty darn good about my progress that I don't want to go down that avenue. Maybe later..naw, on second thought never mind.
Anyway, as I get older I am coming to the terms to the reality of how I look at life. I'm cynical, but not overly much. I'm not one to trust people either. I actually, to be perfectly honest, I expect people to disappoint me all the time. Why? Because it consistently happens. I've yet to find the exception. If I do I'll probably put it here. But I started thinking that maybe, just maybe, I have to let go of that attitude. Oh, I don't mean actually trusting everyone that I come across. That's too ingrained to just fade away on a gust of wind. No, sadly, I'm stuck in that principle belief pattern. However, I need to give myself and fate a try. I think, just once, I want something to be the ideal instead of the disappointment or reality...which is often both anyway.
So, today...or more aptly, this night, I make a vow. I will think positively. I will shoot not just for the moon but for my favorite planet (okay, they don't call it a planet any more but I'm going to keep doing it because it's special to me personally so pppppbbtttttttttt) Pluto. I want the cosmos and frankly my dear, I don't give a damn about anyone who says that I don't deserve it.
And that is how I nailed it in regard to my letter. I said that to myself and then I just wrote it up. I've been saying it all week with my writing and managed to crank through about 8 chapters so far. Tomorrow I'm aiming for 9. That, incidentally, is the other secret of my success. Every day I have to complete a task. Read over at least 5000 words and do my thing. If I don't get it done in the morning, I work on it through the day. Period, no if, and, or buts.
Sweet Mother, it seems like a long, long, long, long road until I get there. Writing. I remember back when I was 14 and I was swept up into the enthusiasm Mrs. Farrell brought about with her encouragement. I was going to be the next Tolkien. I knew I would be. Now look at me, I'm 30 (no sympathy please because I honestly don't mind it at all) and I'm stilling whining about how much further I have to go.
Well, at least I finished the book...mostly. On Fan Story I've been getting good reviews with great pointers and help from the peanut gallery (and I do mean it in the nicest of ways, honest). And these are complete strangers who have no affiliation with me personally other than a love for the written word so that's something. It can't be all bad. And people tell me that they are writing my name down when I give them a brief synopsis of the book so that when it does get published they'll buy it. We'll see how many actually do so when it does happen.
I have decided to start thinking of it as when instead of if. I made that decision because I figured my semi-pessimistic attitude was getting in my way. That conclusion came about from AJJE Games surprisingly enough. How did it happen? Easy. I had to give a speech (actually it was a long post) and in it I talked about a gentleman who taught me that idealism can push projects through. That got me thinking about that particular lesson.
I'm the first to admit, I don't prescribe to idealism. Too many things in my life have shown me that being idealistic just disappoints you. I could give examples, but I'm feeling pretty darn good about my progress that I don't want to go down that avenue. Maybe later..naw, on second thought never mind.
Anyway, as I get older I am coming to the terms to the reality of how I look at life. I'm cynical, but not overly much. I'm not one to trust people either. I actually, to be perfectly honest, I expect people to disappoint me all the time. Why? Because it consistently happens. I've yet to find the exception. If I do I'll probably put it here. But I started thinking that maybe, just maybe, I have to let go of that attitude. Oh, I don't mean actually trusting everyone that I come across. That's too ingrained to just fade away on a gust of wind. No, sadly, I'm stuck in that principle belief pattern. However, I need to give myself and fate a try. I think, just once, I want something to be the ideal instead of the disappointment or reality...which is often both anyway.
So, today...or more aptly, this night, I make a vow. I will think positively. I will shoot not just for the moon but for my favorite planet (okay, they don't call it a planet any more but I'm going to keep doing it because it's special to me personally so pppppbbtttttttttt) Pluto. I want the cosmos and frankly my dear, I don't give a damn about anyone who says that I don't deserve it.
And that is how I nailed it in regard to my letter. I said that to myself and then I just wrote it up. I've been saying it all week with my writing and managed to crank through about 8 chapters so far. Tomorrow I'm aiming for 9. That, incidentally, is the other secret of my success. Every day I have to complete a task. Read over at least 5000 words and do my thing. If I don't get it done in the morning, I work on it through the day. Period, no if, and, or buts.
Saturday, 21 August 2010
Fear
You know, I'm one of those people who refuses to admit, out loud anyway, an honest fear. I find if I don't say it, I'm not. Like roller coasters for instance. I hate them, but not because I'm afraid of them. I hate them because I'm not in control of them. Does that make me a control freak? Sometimes, yes, I am. I'm a control freak in the car (I hate not driving). I'm a control freak when it comes to projects I'm personally involved in. When I was working, I didn't want to let go of the Hazardous Waste program because it was mine. I built it and I made it work so it was mine.....I could go on but I think you get the point.
So, admitting that I'm afraid of something is huge. Not just huge, but gargantuan. But again, I have found that sometimes true honesty means saying "I'm afraid." So, now, in a blog no one reads, I will say it...I'm afraid.
What do I fear? I'm afraid that the dream that I've aspired for since I was 14 will never come true. I'm terrified that I won't get published, that my writing isn't good enough to be published. That one day I'll have to give it up. It leaves me quaking, this fear. In thinking about it, I realize that my fear is what has caused me not to get off my ass and actually do what has to be done to make it possible. I have to send query letters out, to see if I have any takers. Until I do, I'll never know the answer.
It's hard for me to admit that, to accept this truth about myself. The thing is, I don't know why I can't pull myself out of it. To just grab myself by the nose hairs and get it done. It's not like me to feel this doubt in regard to anything that I've had to use my mind to pursue. I don't want to sound egotistical or anything like that, but truthfully using my mind to accomplish tasks is not that difficult for me.
I breeze through school with little to no effort (which is funny because I didn't do that well in High School). Mastering art and design has been simple, teaching myself to code equally so. What I succeed at mentally is directly countered in what I fail at in the physical department. Exercise and sports are really not my forte. Proof of this comes from how many injuries I've sustained over the years of attempting it when I was a kid. So in that I am balanced. I have also accepted that when I make up my mind to accomplish something, it's not that difficult either. A great example is to stop drinking sodas. I decided to stop and did it. Except for the first day, I don't have any cravings for it so that is good.
Yet, despite that, I'm afraid of putting myself out there. A part of me knows the reason, it's because I don't want to be rejected. That is probably the biggest struggle I've had all my life. The idea of it makes me nauseous, which is probably the source of this fear.
The question is, how do I push past it? If I ever figure it out, I'll write it here....
So, admitting that I'm afraid of something is huge. Not just huge, but gargantuan. But again, I have found that sometimes true honesty means saying "I'm afraid." So, now, in a blog no one reads, I will say it...I'm afraid.
What do I fear? I'm afraid that the dream that I've aspired for since I was 14 will never come true. I'm terrified that I won't get published, that my writing isn't good enough to be published. That one day I'll have to give it up. It leaves me quaking, this fear. In thinking about it, I realize that my fear is what has caused me not to get off my ass and actually do what has to be done to make it possible. I have to send query letters out, to see if I have any takers. Until I do, I'll never know the answer.
It's hard for me to admit that, to accept this truth about myself. The thing is, I don't know why I can't pull myself out of it. To just grab myself by the nose hairs and get it done. It's not like me to feel this doubt in regard to anything that I've had to use my mind to pursue. I don't want to sound egotistical or anything like that, but truthfully using my mind to accomplish tasks is not that difficult for me.
I breeze through school with little to no effort (which is funny because I didn't do that well in High School). Mastering art and design has been simple, teaching myself to code equally so. What I succeed at mentally is directly countered in what I fail at in the physical department. Exercise and sports are really not my forte. Proof of this comes from how many injuries I've sustained over the years of attempting it when I was a kid. So in that I am balanced. I have also accepted that when I make up my mind to accomplish something, it's not that difficult either. A great example is to stop drinking sodas. I decided to stop and did it. Except for the first day, I don't have any cravings for it so that is good.
Yet, despite that, I'm afraid of putting myself out there. A part of me knows the reason, it's because I don't want to be rejected. That is probably the biggest struggle I've had all my life. The idea of it makes me nauseous, which is probably the source of this fear.
The question is, how do I push past it? If I ever figure it out, I'll write it here....
Sunday, 1 August 2010
Where's Waldo? Fan Story Style!
All right, I'm pretty sure I mentioned it in my blog, but in case I didn't...here's what Fan Story is. It's a site where writers like myself can post their stories, scripts, poems...name it they can probably post it. Yes, even some rant and rave on it. Usually it's amusing...sometimes it's not. There are some really, really talented writers on this site and to be honest, it sometimes intimidates me. Yet, even though it does on occasion they have helped me find the error of my writing ways.
Now, before joining Fan Story I knew that I had grammar issues. What I mean is that grammar is my weakest point. Why? Well that's a funny story actually. It's the price of being a military brat to a degree. What usually happened is that I kept missing the initial instruction on grammar each time I moved. When I was in 5th grade in Florida, they taught the primary rules in 6th. When I moved to Colorado for 6th grade, they taught it in 5th grade. The story of my young life when it comes to grammar. So the primary rules were never actually drilled into my head like it did with others. That plus all the international traveling I've done is it really a wonder that I have issues? No, I thought not.
Yet, despite that I thought I had them pretty down pat....until Fan Story. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm grateful they were able to show me just how much I need help. But to be honest, I think I prefer ignorant bliss.....but that's a different post I believe.
Anyway, what all these very helpful people do is they go through and find every....single....error and will fill up the review box with each and every one. Most are sweet, polite, and over all helpful. Sometimes you come across one person who gives a harsh review because you gave them your honest opinion....but again that's for another post.
While helpful in pointing out how badly my grammar sucks, it doesn't do a good job at teaching me to find my own mistakes so I started a new thing just within the last week or two. I call it "Where's Waldo Fan Story Style" I'm basically asking those who are reviewing my work to simply point out where there is a mistake then let me find it. This way they can still point out to their hearts content how bad my grammar is on a regular day and I'm still learning. Everyone wins! Now, hopefully it'll catch on for others as well.
Interested in reading my work? That's easy to accomplish, simply go here.
Now, before joining Fan Story I knew that I had grammar issues. What I mean is that grammar is my weakest point. Why? Well that's a funny story actually. It's the price of being a military brat to a degree. What usually happened is that I kept missing the initial instruction on grammar each time I moved. When I was in 5th grade in Florida, they taught the primary rules in 6th. When I moved to Colorado for 6th grade, they taught it in 5th grade. The story of my young life when it comes to grammar. So the primary rules were never actually drilled into my head like it did with others. That plus all the international traveling I've done is it really a wonder that I have issues? No, I thought not.
Yet, despite that I thought I had them pretty down pat....until Fan Story. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm grateful they were able to show me just how much I need help. But to be honest, I think I prefer ignorant bliss.....but that's a different post I believe.
Anyway, what all these very helpful people do is they go through and find every....single....error and will fill up the review box with each and every one. Most are sweet, polite, and over all helpful. Sometimes you come across one person who gives a harsh review because you gave them your honest opinion....but again that's for another post.
While helpful in pointing out how badly my grammar sucks, it doesn't do a good job at teaching me to find my own mistakes so I started a new thing just within the last week or two. I call it "Where's Waldo Fan Story Style" I'm basically asking those who are reviewing my work to simply point out where there is a mistake then let me find it. This way they can still point out to their hearts content how bad my grammar is on a regular day and I'm still learning. Everyone wins! Now, hopefully it'll catch on for others as well.
Interested in reading my work? That's easy to accomplish, simply go here.
Tuesday, 13 July 2010
I think I can, I think I can
So here I am, with my book Memory Lane, pretty much edited. Okay, so it needs a bit more editing, a bit more scrutiny and finding those stinking commas to put them in the right place is necessary, but for the most part. The darn thing is done. At least it better be done because in a way I'm sick and tired of Memory Lane. I'm tired of thinking about it, I'm tired of worrying about it, most of all I'm tired of knowing that it is there on my computer not doing anything. The thing is that I have to finally get off my ass and send in the letters to the Agents so that I can get representation so that the damn thing can get published.
Get it published, get promoted, do as I'm told and walla, I'm a published author.
Sounds easy? Hardly, more like it's a struggle to fight between relief that it's all done, apprehension of what the agents will say and down right fear that I've been deluding myself for all these years on my writing skill. Oh, sure people tell me I'm good, but they aren't what I call professional editors (no offense gang, but lets be honest, you're just a reader, they are the ones who get paid the big bucks out of my paycheck when I get published).
I think about all these things and realize, "Dear Lady, I simply don't want to go through the hassle and the rejection" then, just when I resign myself that I have to do something I find out a friend of mine who just started a book already has a freaking editor. How sick is that????? Okay, not sick for him obviously, but when I think that this guy was able to attain a closer step to my dream. I think, to be exact, that I'm green with envy. Not a pretty green either, but a sickly green.
After I heard that I'm filled once again with this desire to push ahead while being hit with this fear that I can't do it, that I'll fail....that I'll never get published. Then it will be a smack in the face that says "Ha ha, see, I knew I couldn't why try?"
But then this other voice whispers to me, "You just won't know and if you think it won't happen then it won't." It's like the whole the little engine who could. I think I can, I think I can.....but what if I can't....sigh
Get it published, get promoted, do as I'm told and walla, I'm a published author.
Sounds easy? Hardly, more like it's a struggle to fight between relief that it's all done, apprehension of what the agents will say and down right fear that I've been deluding myself for all these years on my writing skill. Oh, sure people tell me I'm good, but they aren't what I call professional editors (no offense gang, but lets be honest, you're just a reader, they are the ones who get paid the big bucks out of my paycheck when I get published).
I think about all these things and realize, "Dear Lady, I simply don't want to go through the hassle and the rejection" then, just when I resign myself that I have to do something I find out a friend of mine who just started a book already has a freaking editor. How sick is that????? Okay, not sick for him obviously, but when I think that this guy was able to attain a closer step to my dream. I think, to be exact, that I'm green with envy. Not a pretty green either, but a sickly green.
After I heard that I'm filled once again with this desire to push ahead while being hit with this fear that I can't do it, that I'll fail....that I'll never get published. Then it will be a smack in the face that says "Ha ha, see, I knew I couldn't why try?"
But then this other voice whispers to me, "You just won't know and if you think it won't happen then it won't." It's like the whole the little engine who could. I think I can, I think I can.....but what if I can't....sigh
Friday, 14 May 2010
Development of an Idea - Science Fiction
All right, I'm a huge, HUGE fan of science fiction. A love and passion that began with my Father who is an even bigger fan of science fiction than I am....but only because he's been alive longer than I.
One thing I've always wanted to do was write a science fiction story. I want to do this because, a) I love science fiction and b) because it seems like it'd be fun to do. Add c)I have a lot of great ideas for useful technology to the mix and it seems as if it shouldn't fail. Sadly it does because I get caught up in the tiny details. How does xyz item work, why does it work? I want to know, readers probably don't care overly much on the science involved. Oh, sure, they want to know generally that it will work the way it should work. That is makes sense, that it is logical. But whether or not we are taking liberties with the laws of physics, they pretty much give carche blanch. However, I'm one of those people that wants to make it as realistic as possible.
Good for me, bad for story.
It's good for me because I get to learn stuff. Bad for story because I never get to the actual writing of the story.
So what is the solution? Easy! Get someone to help me who can put their foot down and say "It's good enough, let's get on with the writing." Yay! I found someone and she's more than eager to help. Which gives me a new project, something to take my mind off things at home. Yippee, what fun.
The question is, how to really get started. What is the first step. That's, actually, the easy part. You have to decide what you want/need to know/create. For example, Humans in the Galaxy. Makes sense that we'd be around, unless we die out as a race. I hope not, but you never know. Anyway, my friend and I know that we need to have the Human race involved because two of our main characters are half Human.
But the thing is, to make this list we need to decide on the kind of story do we want. So I guess, it's better to say that is our first step. What type of Science Fiction do you want? My friend and I have opted for a science fiction story that is more Firefly and Babylon 5 with a smidge of Star Wars and less Star Trek and Stargate. Should be fun!
I'll keep you up to date on the progress of the development.
One thing I've always wanted to do was write a science fiction story. I want to do this because, a) I love science fiction and b) because it seems like it'd be fun to do. Add c)I have a lot of great ideas for useful technology to the mix and it seems as if it shouldn't fail. Sadly it does because I get caught up in the tiny details. How does xyz item work, why does it work? I want to know, readers probably don't care overly much on the science involved. Oh, sure, they want to know generally that it will work the way it should work. That is makes sense, that it is logical. But whether or not we are taking liberties with the laws of physics, they pretty much give carche blanch. However, I'm one of those people that wants to make it as realistic as possible.
Good for me, bad for story.
It's good for me because I get to learn stuff. Bad for story because I never get to the actual writing of the story.
So what is the solution? Easy! Get someone to help me who can put their foot down and say "It's good enough, let's get on with the writing." Yay! I found someone and she's more than eager to help. Which gives me a new project, something to take my mind off things at home. Yippee, what fun.
The question is, how to really get started. What is the first step. That's, actually, the easy part. You have to decide what you want/need to know/create. For example, Humans in the Galaxy. Makes sense that we'd be around, unless we die out as a race. I hope not, but you never know. Anyway, my friend and I know that we need to have the Human race involved because two of our main characters are half Human.
But the thing is, to make this list we need to decide on the kind of story do we want. So I guess, it's better to say that is our first step. What type of Science Fiction do you want? My friend and I have opted for a science fiction story that is more Firefly and Babylon 5 with a smidge of Star Wars and less Star Trek and Stargate. Should be fun!
I'll keep you up to date on the progress of the development.
Monday, 10 May 2010
Yay Britain!
In light of my recent move into a more spiritual life I have endeavored to expand myself into reading news about Pagans in general. Now some of the stuff I've read is what I call, well, bigotry for the most part. XYZ group doesn't want a Pagan festival in their town or see, Wiccan's kill people too and they are worse because they are Wiccan. Or, a personal favorite, because the Nazis might have been (this is a constant discussion apparently about whether or not the Nazis party was Pagan or Christian. It's a discussion I, myself, have been in as well. The point of fact is that some may have been Pagan while others were Christian. Unless you can time travel and ask, we may never know for certain) then obviously being Pagan is wrong because it inspires horrible acts against humanity like the holocaust.
Another favorite was the whole high school up in arms because a boy wanted to build an altar in shop class and apparently now other kids are afraid to go to school for it. My reaction to these are always, "Grow up" or some variation of it.
Yet, despite all the crap, I do read some good stories and today I read two. These two, unfortunately or fortunately depending on your point of view, come from good ole Britannia. All hail the Queen!
The first story I read was about how Pagan's are starting to come to the forefront. Now, don't mistake me, I wish no ill will on the Christian community of the world. Honest I don't as some of my best friends and even my husband is in fact Christian. However, what I think is good about this particular article that I read is that it's showing that Pagans in general, and perhaps even Wiccans specifically, are starting to be recognized as more than just a fad. Here is the article for anyone interested in reading it: Here
That's the fortunate part from my point of view. The unfortunate, again in my point of view, is that it's not also happening in the US. Yes, in fact currently there is a big hoopla about Wiccan's celebrating in a particular area. All sorts of things are being mentioned and it's, well, a hoopla. I'd call them all hooligans, but that doesn't quite sum it up. It's unfortunate that it still happens, but the realist in me realizes that you just can't escape attitudes like that.
Even 50 years from now when religious tolerance is more than something we talk about to actual fact for over 80% of population, there will still be the 20% who deliberately cut off contact with someone of an opposite religion simply because they can't be bothered to accept that not everyone will believe what they believe.
This leads me to the second article which is what ultimately spurred forth this particular post. Again, here comes Britain with a fantastic example for the world. The police have given weight to the Pagan Police Association. Whoo hoo! Go Britain!
If you're interested in the story you can find it here: Here
Okay, so it's not all peaches and cream and I'm sure there are issues involved that I am just not privy to. Especially considering that I'm not British and I lack that really sexy accent they have (no offense but I'm more moved by the guys accent than the girls. Just who I am, I'm sure you ladies have sexy accents too). But let's really think about this whole 'Britain sets example' idea shall we? Despite what others may feel, think or believe, Britain has been one of the more influential countries in the world, especially in regards to the past. While not all the current countries of today were seeded by the British, a fair amount were. Don't believe me? I give you the two most obvious countries. Australia (with their even sexier accent that sounds similar but not quite the same as the British accent) and America.
Even today they are considered a super power and will probably remain so for a very long time. So it is understandable and completely reasonable to think that if they are showing their support for us Pagans that sooner rather than later, the rest of the world will too. Which will be fantastic because then, perhaps soon, the percentage of the Earth's population who pay homage to more than a single God/dess will be able to answer the question of 'what do you believe' with much more than the answer 'alternative' and instead say "I'm a Wiccan." or "I'm a Druid" without the blank stares.
......or at least one can hope right?
Another favorite was the whole high school up in arms because a boy wanted to build an altar in shop class and apparently now other kids are afraid to go to school for it. My reaction to these are always, "Grow up" or some variation of it.
Yet, despite all the crap, I do read some good stories and today I read two. These two, unfortunately or fortunately depending on your point of view, come from good ole Britannia. All hail the Queen!
The first story I read was about how Pagan's are starting to come to the forefront. Now, don't mistake me, I wish no ill will on the Christian community of the world. Honest I don't as some of my best friends and even my husband is in fact Christian. However, what I think is good about this particular article that I read is that it's showing that Pagans in general, and perhaps even Wiccans specifically, are starting to be recognized as more than just a fad. Here is the article for anyone interested in reading it: Here
That's the fortunate part from my point of view. The unfortunate, again in my point of view, is that it's not also happening in the US. Yes, in fact currently there is a big hoopla about Wiccan's celebrating in a particular area. All sorts of things are being mentioned and it's, well, a hoopla. I'd call them all hooligans, but that doesn't quite sum it up. It's unfortunate that it still happens, but the realist in me realizes that you just can't escape attitudes like that.
Even 50 years from now when religious tolerance is more than something we talk about to actual fact for over 80% of population, there will still be the 20% who deliberately cut off contact with someone of an opposite religion simply because they can't be bothered to accept that not everyone will believe what they believe.
This leads me to the second article which is what ultimately spurred forth this particular post. Again, here comes Britain with a fantastic example for the world. The police have given weight to the Pagan Police Association. Whoo hoo! Go Britain!
If you're interested in the story you can find it here: Here
Okay, so it's not all peaches and cream and I'm sure there are issues involved that I am just not privy to. Especially considering that I'm not British and I lack that really sexy accent they have (no offense but I'm more moved by the guys accent than the girls. Just who I am, I'm sure you ladies have sexy accents too). But let's really think about this whole 'Britain sets example' idea shall we? Despite what others may feel, think or believe, Britain has been one of the more influential countries in the world, especially in regards to the past. While not all the current countries of today were seeded by the British, a fair amount were. Don't believe me? I give you the two most obvious countries. Australia (with their even sexier accent that sounds similar but not quite the same as the British accent) and America.
Even today they are considered a super power and will probably remain so for a very long time. So it is understandable and completely reasonable to think that if they are showing their support for us Pagans that sooner rather than later, the rest of the world will too. Which will be fantastic because then, perhaps soon, the percentage of the Earth's population who pay homage to more than a single God/dess will be able to answer the question of 'what do you believe' with much more than the answer 'alternative' and instead say "I'm a Wiccan." or "I'm a Druid" without the blank stares.
......or at least one can hope right?
Monday, 3 May 2010
Flirtting with violence
So I think it was last week when Laurell Hamilton's newest book in the Anita Blake series came out. I was good, I only waited a week before I ran to the book store to snatch it up without so much of a bat of my eye. I was even better in the fact that I didn't race home immediately to read it because I had other things that needed to be taken care of. I was bad though that while me and the kids were eating lunch I caved and read the first five pages instead of talking with the kids. They forgave me though because it's like the family knows and understands. Mommy gets a new book and she must devour. All I can say about Flirt is YUM.
I've talked to few others that share my adoration for the Anita Blake series and say that it's gotten to be too much about violence and sex. I can sympathize with them on this. There is a point when there is too much of both......I think. I haven't met my quota yet, but I'm sure I have a line that shouldn't be crossed. When or if I ever find it I'll probably talk about it. Frankly though there is this well spring of violence that lives within all of us I think that needs or should be tapped. I know a few people that seem to lack either and I marvel at that. I also don't understand it. In some ways I'm sorry for them, but they are happy and it works for me.
Anyway, back to the book.
At the end of the book Laurell Hamilton gave a bit of an explanation of where her ideas come from and how they go from an idea to an actual book. As I read through it I realized that I have much more in common with her than I had initially believed. I mean I don't write stories like she does that has monsters and sex and .... no, wait, I do have the violence. But in regards to our approach to writing, judging from this little bit that I read we have similarities. We both start with a scene then it just sits, grows until it demands attention. She and I both tap into this world that we live in that has pictures of what would happen if the situation went bad. Violence is just a natural part of who we are apparently.
Now, most people who know me would be shocked or surprised at that statement. I've been told for years that I'm sweet, kind and gentle. I wouldn't hurt a fly. It's true, I respect nature and life too much to actually do it. That's why my characters do it for me. I see it clearly, visualize it and let it fester until it's time to put it down on paper. I take it all out there, letting that well of anger and violence flow into the words until there is a character and a situation that sums up the fullness of those desires and impulses. It's comforting, it's fun and it's beautiful. It's me.
So while I flirt with violence, I find that it's a healthy expression. Much better than actually doing it. Curiosity allows me to explore the actions with words instead of an actual activity. Good for the human race, better for my soul and fantastic for my children. It is also partly one of the primary reasons that I have recently started down a more spiritual path because I know that I have to both accept and draw out the impulses that lie beneath the surface into something healthy and worthwhile.
I also know I won't be letting my children read my stories until they are probably 18 or older if I can help it.
I've talked to few others that share my adoration for the Anita Blake series and say that it's gotten to be too much about violence and sex. I can sympathize with them on this. There is a point when there is too much of both......I think. I haven't met my quota yet, but I'm sure I have a line that shouldn't be crossed. When or if I ever find it I'll probably talk about it. Frankly though there is this well spring of violence that lives within all of us I think that needs or should be tapped. I know a few people that seem to lack either and I marvel at that. I also don't understand it. In some ways I'm sorry for them, but they are happy and it works for me.
Anyway, back to the book.
At the end of the book Laurell Hamilton gave a bit of an explanation of where her ideas come from and how they go from an idea to an actual book. As I read through it I realized that I have much more in common with her than I had initially believed. I mean I don't write stories like she does that has monsters and sex and .... no, wait, I do have the violence. But in regards to our approach to writing, judging from this little bit that I read we have similarities. We both start with a scene then it just sits, grows until it demands attention. She and I both tap into this world that we live in that has pictures of what would happen if the situation went bad. Violence is just a natural part of who we are apparently.
Now, most people who know me would be shocked or surprised at that statement. I've been told for years that I'm sweet, kind and gentle. I wouldn't hurt a fly. It's true, I respect nature and life too much to actually do it. That's why my characters do it for me. I see it clearly, visualize it and let it fester until it's time to put it down on paper. I take it all out there, letting that well of anger and violence flow into the words until there is a character and a situation that sums up the fullness of those desires and impulses. It's comforting, it's fun and it's beautiful. It's me.
So while I flirt with violence, I find that it's a healthy expression. Much better than actually doing it. Curiosity allows me to explore the actions with words instead of an actual activity. Good for the human race, better for my soul and fantastic for my children. It is also partly one of the primary reasons that I have recently started down a more spiritual path because I know that I have to both accept and draw out the impulses that lie beneath the surface into something healthy and worthwhile.
I also know I won't be letting my children read my stories until they are probably 18 or older if I can help it.
Thursday, 30 July 2009
Title Change
So why change the title of my Blog? Well, I had been doing a lot of thinking lately. It happens from time to time, I just get lost in a well of thoughts that masqurades as dreams. Okay, maybe that's too poetic.
I guess the thing is that as I read over old posts here I realize that I'm not always talking about just writing, I'm talking about the things that make up who I am. Since writing is an integral part of that the reality is that I'm talking about my journey. It's not one of becoming a writer, no I'm that already, it's a journey to self-discovery through my writing.
I've been having a bunch of confusing dreams lately and unfortunately I don't remember enough of them to put them to words. I just know it's confusing because I wake up confused or out of touch. Like I'm not inside my skin until I'm awake. I suppose I could be astral projecting, but I've only done that once under very controlled...and lucky....circumstances. I'd go into it, but honestly I think it's more for my private journal than for anything someone might find on the internet. If I do figure it out I'll probably mention it here because I think it plays a big part on my journey. I just don't know how though.
I guess the thing is that as I read over old posts here I realize that I'm not always talking about just writing, I'm talking about the things that make up who I am. Since writing is an integral part of that the reality is that I'm talking about my journey. It's not one of becoming a writer, no I'm that already, it's a journey to self-discovery through my writing.
I've been having a bunch of confusing dreams lately and unfortunately I don't remember enough of them to put them to words. I just know it's confusing because I wake up confused or out of touch. Like I'm not inside my skin until I'm awake. I suppose I could be astral projecting, but I've only done that once under very controlled...and lucky....circumstances. I'd go into it, but honestly I think it's more for my private journal than for anything someone might find on the internet. If I do figure it out I'll probably mention it here because I think it plays a big part on my journey. I just don't know how though.
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
Character Agitation
Characters, characters, how I hate them sometimes. They never seem to cooperate when I absolutely need them to. It's irritating and to make it worse, they hide sometimes too. Talk about rude.
As you can tell, I'm having some serious character problems. Fortunately they are not my usual kind of problems. This time they are acting up in the wrong way. I have two of them in particular that's being a real pain in the butt. I'll start with the nicest of the two.
Her name is Cyrilla and she's the High Priestess for the Goddess Celency, the Goddess of War for the Dancers. The scene is right after Nyx becomes, well Nyx (she was Mia at the beginning, but nothing ever stays the same). Nyx goes into the temple as Mia, the Goddess changes her and she comes out Nyx, but it can't be official by the rules of the Order until Cyrilla, as High Priestess, swears her onto the Path of Celency. A formality in this instance, but an important one. The problem is this: The words that Cyrilla should say as her hand rests on Nyx's forehead to do the blessing just refuses to come. It sounds static, forced and frankly incomplete. Here, let me show you:
It took her a moment to smooth her face into something serious, when she did she moved to Nyx and placed her hand on top of the girls head, closing her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she held it then let it flow out of her like Renata had, "Mia, when you came to be among us, you were but one child among others. In the time you’ve been with us we have seen you grow and change," Cyrilla’s voice faltered for a second and Rena had to hide a smile, "becoming the Dancer as you were meant to be. Out of the silence a Voice has echoed, calling you to stand on these steps and take on the Trials and Faith of our Warrior Goddess Celency. This path is not for the faint of heart, but it has been laid before you. Do you willingly accept the trials, tribulations and simple joy that will be given in true faith?"
In a strong voice Mia answered, "I do."
Rena felt the air get heavier around them and could barely suppress a shudder. One look at the other ladies showed she wasn’t alone, but only Cyrilla seemed to be unaffected by it. Instead both her and Mia had a look of absolute joy as Cyrilla removed her hand from Mia’s head, "Then rise Nyx, Dancer of the Night as a Dancer of War. You will take your place among our Sisters, paying service to the Goddess Celency. Stand and be recognized."
See? See! It's infuriating to say the least, maddening to say the most. I've gone through three different versions and all of them aren't completely right. This one is the closest but something is still missing, but I'll be damned if Cyrilla isn't telling me what........
I realized in just this second that I might be sounding a bit nutty in the fact that I'm talking about Cyrilla as if she's a person instead of just a character. It happens with some characters though, they become a person instead of just someone I made up though deep down I do still acknowledge that she's my own creation and the problem isn't her, but me. Admitting that though would require that I toss away my pride and grovel at the feet of greater writers than myself for help. But I'm not admitting it, not here anyway. I'll save that kind of admittance for my prayers thank you!
So that's my problem with Cyrilla and honestly, it's the least. The other problem is Tim, who is a character in Memory Lane. His role is fairly simple, not completely straight forward until the end, but simple as he's the hostage-taker leader (that's not the technical term for his role, but today that's what I want to call him so there!). The problem is that I seemed to have lost him. He had meat to him at page 124, but apparently between then and page 133 he went on a diet. The nerve of him!
Unfortunately in this I can't blame Tim like I can blame Cyrilla, this is really my fault due to the fact that I'm trying to enrich the story. This means that I have to give the meat that unfortunately Tim never really had at page 133. The true problem is that I'm not sure what button to push to get him to go into the rage that I require. Alex is suppose to taunt him, antagonize him to the point that he remains focused on her instead of the innocents in the crowd watching. She's also hoping to get information out of the bastard too. The way it is now, without the editing done prior, his button apparently is being called a coward. This is hardly realistic because if this man is more than capable of organizing and implementing such a daring (and idiotic) plan of capturing a whole crew of a television show then clearly he doesn't need to validate his bravery quota.
So now I have to find out what his button is and how Alex is going to find it. It's either that or leave Tim paper thin....and I only kind of mean the pun. More not than do.
These two problems have left me distracted from other important things because I keep looking at both instances with a frown, a growl and probably a few head shakes though I haven't descended into the swear words yet. If it continues on for another month then I might finally give into the harsher words of the English Language.
Now, in the grand scheme of things, the big picture of life, these two problems are probably minor. I mean, if I don't get them fixed then going on with either the story about Nyx or finishing third draft of Memory Lane will take longer and that's a problem, but when you compare it against my family, school assignments, newsletter articles and my other commitments it pales. Then again, if I don't get the third draft finished, I can't get to the fourth or to a publisher so that it can make it to print, thereby supplementing our income could be a bigger problem.
But that isn't my concern. My problem is with the pair of them and damn it, I want it fixed simply out of pride than of necessity. I mean I wrote them, it shouldn't be this annoying or difficult. Cyrilla theoretically is easier to work with than Tim. At least Cyrilla is established, she has some meat to her bones. Tim is a different ball and chain that really shouldn't exist in the first place. That doesn't change the reality, but it really burns my britches......
As you can tell, I'm having some serious character problems. Fortunately they are not my usual kind of problems. This time they are acting up in the wrong way. I have two of them in particular that's being a real pain in the butt. I'll start with the nicest of the two.
Her name is Cyrilla and she's the High Priestess for the Goddess Celency, the Goddess of War for the Dancers. The scene is right after Nyx becomes, well Nyx (she was Mia at the beginning, but nothing ever stays the same). Nyx goes into the temple as Mia, the Goddess changes her and she comes out Nyx, but it can't be official by the rules of the Order until Cyrilla, as High Priestess, swears her onto the Path of Celency. A formality in this instance, but an important one. The problem is this: The words that Cyrilla should say as her hand rests on Nyx's forehead to do the blessing just refuses to come. It sounds static, forced and frankly incomplete. Here, let me show you:
It took her a moment to smooth her face into something serious, when she did she moved to Nyx and placed her hand on top of the girls head, closing her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she held it then let it flow out of her like Renata had, "Mia, when you came to be among us, you were but one child among others. In the time you’ve been with us we have seen you grow and change," Cyrilla’s voice faltered for a second and Rena had to hide a smile, "becoming the Dancer as you were meant to be. Out of the silence a Voice has echoed, calling you to stand on these steps and take on the Trials and Faith of our Warrior Goddess Celency. This path is not for the faint of heart, but it has been laid before you. Do you willingly accept the trials, tribulations and simple joy that will be given in true faith?"
In a strong voice Mia answered, "I do."
Rena felt the air get heavier around them and could barely suppress a shudder. One look at the other ladies showed she wasn’t alone, but only Cyrilla seemed to be unaffected by it. Instead both her and Mia had a look of absolute joy as Cyrilla removed her hand from Mia’s head, "Then rise Nyx, Dancer of the Night as a Dancer of War. You will take your place among our Sisters, paying service to the Goddess Celency. Stand and be recognized."
See? See! It's infuriating to say the least, maddening to say the most. I've gone through three different versions and all of them aren't completely right. This one is the closest but something is still missing, but I'll be damned if Cyrilla isn't telling me what........
I realized in just this second that I might be sounding a bit nutty in the fact that I'm talking about Cyrilla as if she's a person instead of just a character. It happens with some characters though, they become a person instead of just someone I made up though deep down I do still acknowledge that she's my own creation and the problem isn't her, but me. Admitting that though would require that I toss away my pride and grovel at the feet of greater writers than myself for help. But I'm not admitting it, not here anyway. I'll save that kind of admittance for my prayers thank you!
So that's my problem with Cyrilla and honestly, it's the least. The other problem is Tim, who is a character in Memory Lane. His role is fairly simple, not completely straight forward until the end, but simple as he's the hostage-taker leader (that's not the technical term for his role, but today that's what I want to call him so there!). The problem is that I seemed to have lost him. He had meat to him at page 124, but apparently between then and page 133 he went on a diet. The nerve of him!
Unfortunately in this I can't blame Tim like I can blame Cyrilla, this is really my fault due to the fact that I'm trying to enrich the story. This means that I have to give the meat that unfortunately Tim never really had at page 133. The true problem is that I'm not sure what button to push to get him to go into the rage that I require. Alex is suppose to taunt him, antagonize him to the point that he remains focused on her instead of the innocents in the crowd watching. She's also hoping to get information out of the bastard too. The way it is now, without the editing done prior, his button apparently is being called a coward. This is hardly realistic because if this man is more than capable of organizing and implementing such a daring (and idiotic) plan of capturing a whole crew of a television show then clearly he doesn't need to validate his bravery quota.
So now I have to find out what his button is and how Alex is going to find it. It's either that or leave Tim paper thin....and I only kind of mean the pun. More not than do.
These two problems have left me distracted from other important things because I keep looking at both instances with a frown, a growl and probably a few head shakes though I haven't descended into the swear words yet. If it continues on for another month then I might finally give into the harsher words of the English Language.
Now, in the grand scheme of things, the big picture of life, these two problems are probably minor. I mean, if I don't get them fixed then going on with either the story about Nyx or finishing third draft of Memory Lane will take longer and that's a problem, but when you compare it against my family, school assignments, newsletter articles and my other commitments it pales. Then again, if I don't get the third draft finished, I can't get to the fourth or to a publisher so that it can make it to print, thereby supplementing our income could be a bigger problem.
But that isn't my concern. My problem is with the pair of them and damn it, I want it fixed simply out of pride than of necessity. I mean I wrote them, it shouldn't be this annoying or difficult. Cyrilla theoretically is easier to work with than Tim. At least Cyrilla is established, she has some meat to her bones. Tim is a different ball and chain that really shouldn't exist in the first place. That doesn't change the reality, but it really burns my britches......
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
The itch that must be scratched
You can thank my husband for today's title as it came out of a conversation in regards to my writing. Before I go into it though, let me start at the beginning.
I take you back to a time when I was fourteen, I was in High School back then and I had been just puttering around in my room. I don't recall being in the middle of anything important and in truth, I don't remember the specific date either. What I do remember is that I had this character, she didn't really have a name, at least not one I can pinpoint as being the first. However I knew everything else from her height, the color of her hair and eyes, even her attitude in general. She is, and I say this honestly, my first character. I've spoken about her a number of times off and on so I'm sure it's obvious that I'm talking about Nyx.
On this one particular day I asked a question of myself that led me to where I am now. I asked simply "How did dancers (as in the profession) come about?" Simple and you wouldn't think it would go anywhere, but it did for some reason. I started having visions of them being mighty warriors, skilled in all aspects of things. A group of people that were not only respected, but envied and left those they passed in simple awe. Immediately I knew that my character would work exceptionally well within in this profession. I went running from there with the idea. I did my research and started to craft together a race of women who lived together in an order. I'm not sure why I didn't come up with something more original than just calling them Dancers. It doesn't matter any more really because there is no doubt in my mind that is their name and that it's always been like that.
Anyway, from the Dancers I began to craft an idea for a story. As a fourteen year old girl I'll admit, the structure I had thought up was, well, depressing. Half formed ideas, concepts that were displayed poorly and frankly my transitions scenes were non-existent. I still have that very first draft of the book and when I look back at it I can't help but laugh at the paltry nature of it.
They are not the first story to suffer from this, nor will they be the last as I slowly move old writing from the paper to the computer. I just can't help but tinker at it. This one story however is the bane of my existence in a way. I'm unable to avoid the thrall of it, though in all truth I don't put that much effort in trying either. It's my story after all so why should I? That's not the problem though, not really. It's a, and I'm extremely biased of course, good story. The problem is that I can't seem to finish the damn thing.
I get about halfway through it and suddenly, bam, I get this idea of how to improve it. Or worse, and I always hate this when it happens to any of my stories, I realize that I didn't do enough preparation time into the bloody thing. There's a question of what next that I can't ever seem to answer even though, ideally, it should be something that I should be able to answer because again it's my book. The hard thing is that when I think I can answer it I realize that to answer question A, I need to know item b, c, and d. If I don't know the items, the question isn't quite so obvious.
To make this even more interesting is that I'm not the only one who is frustrated by this. No joke folks. So many people have heard about the Golden Crown in the last 14 years that I think I've gotten all of them so eager to read it that they wouldn't care if its horrible. They just want it done. My husband is no exception, actually I think he's leading the pack. He tells me constantly to just keep going, to push through past the need to know the items to answer the question, just answer it and get on with it.
Intellectually I know he's right, emotionally I know it too, but for some reason I can't do it.
Here's the usual sequence of events that happens every time the Golden Crown comes out. First I get an idea, I start thinking about it. It gnaws at me for several days until finally I give up and start writing whatever the thought is. I explore it with the words, with my minds eye, even with my ear (yes folks, I talk out my stories, leave me alone). Then, I get to this point that simply exploring the idea isn't enough because snippets of paragraphs, dialogs and over all thoughts from the characters themselves start to invade my writing. I try to push past them, jot down the snippets to go back to the exploration. It doesn't work, it gets worse, more insistent to the point that it invades my dreams until finally I give in and I start writing the scene.
I begin and in two days I write 15 pages worth of stuff, okay, technically it's 14.5, but whose being specific anyway? It shocks me, surprised that so much can flow out so fast. The reality is that these long bursts of writing happen so often that it really shouldn't be a surprise or a shock and that frankly, I should just give in at the very beginning when they first start pushing at me (the snippets that is) and save myself from agony. But can I do something like that? Noooo, that's indecent!
Anyway, so the shock leaves me bewildered, I do my little head shake and despite my vow not to tell Ike that once again I'm almost back to the drawing board instead of writing the story about the Golden Crown, I have to say "Wow dear, can you believe that in two days I wrote 15 pages worth of stuff?"
Naturally Ike asks me what did I write about? Which story is it this time? I then give him some speech about how I'm not sure if I should tell him because I know how he's going to react. Usually he says tell me anyway so I do. Tonight though he did something different. I told him that and he shrugged and said, "Okay, then don't tell me."
I was caught completely off guard and now, an hour or so later, I realize why he did it, because he already knew just by me saying it what story I was working on. I stare at him, he smiles then tells me to go ahead and say it because if I don't it's just going to eat at me. So I do and sure enough he has this look of not again.
Just like always I try to justify it "I'm not changing the story, not starting over. I'm just exploring a certain part that I hadn't before. You know, filling it out."
He then tells me that he thinks I'm now starting to make it too complicated (which he may be right about, but I'm not sure). I explain how I can't help it and once again equate the Golden Crown and Nyx to being my ultimate story. It's the story to rule them all and since Tolkien and C.S. Lewis are both big inspirations for me in regards to what a grade A super novel should be like I am hoping, praying, wishing that the Golden Crown and Nyx will be that for me. Tonight though Ike suggested a different comparison because while yes, both Tolkien and Lewis put in a boat load of details (Tolkien more than Lewis as anyone who has read both can attest to) in their books, it probably didn't take them 20 years to do it. I'd have to research it to find out though as I'm not completely sure on if he's right.
He then mentioned another favorite author that we share, Stephen King. Now anyone who is a Stephen King fan knows all about the Dark Tower Series. He's got bits and pieces of the whole series in everyone one of his books, or if not all of them at the very least most of them. I noticed it first in Insomnia, but you can find it in his earlier books as well. It's like the itch you just can't stop scratching. It's always there, pulsing against your skin begging for relief to the point where you know if you don't itch it, it'll just get worse.
Thinking about it, I realize he's right in a way though I don't think I can slip tiny details about Nyx and the rest of the cast of the Golden Crown into Memory Lane (it's a totally different kettle of fish) or other books (though I do have an idea of where I might be able to pull it off....that's a different subject though).
The joke though isn't that I'm comparing myself to Stephen King (though you have to admit that's pretty funny), no. Instead it deals with the fact that it took Stephen King about 20 years to finish the Dark Tower Series so I figure, if the situation is really like that in regards to the Golden Crown, then I have only 6 more years to struggle with it before it all comes together....yippee!
I take you back to a time when I was fourteen, I was in High School back then and I had been just puttering around in my room. I don't recall being in the middle of anything important and in truth, I don't remember the specific date either. What I do remember is that I had this character, she didn't really have a name, at least not one I can pinpoint as being the first. However I knew everything else from her height, the color of her hair and eyes, even her attitude in general. She is, and I say this honestly, my first character. I've spoken about her a number of times off and on so I'm sure it's obvious that I'm talking about Nyx.
On this one particular day I asked a question of myself that led me to where I am now. I asked simply "How did dancers (as in the profession) come about?" Simple and you wouldn't think it would go anywhere, but it did for some reason. I started having visions of them being mighty warriors, skilled in all aspects of things. A group of people that were not only respected, but envied and left those they passed in simple awe. Immediately I knew that my character would work exceptionally well within in this profession. I went running from there with the idea. I did my research and started to craft together a race of women who lived together in an order. I'm not sure why I didn't come up with something more original than just calling them Dancers. It doesn't matter any more really because there is no doubt in my mind that is their name and that it's always been like that.
Anyway, from the Dancers I began to craft an idea for a story. As a fourteen year old girl I'll admit, the structure I had thought up was, well, depressing. Half formed ideas, concepts that were displayed poorly and frankly my transitions scenes were non-existent. I still have that very first draft of the book and when I look back at it I can't help but laugh at the paltry nature of it.
They are not the first story to suffer from this, nor will they be the last as I slowly move old writing from the paper to the computer. I just can't help but tinker at it. This one story however is the bane of my existence in a way. I'm unable to avoid the thrall of it, though in all truth I don't put that much effort in trying either. It's my story after all so why should I? That's not the problem though, not really. It's a, and I'm extremely biased of course, good story. The problem is that I can't seem to finish the damn thing.
I get about halfway through it and suddenly, bam, I get this idea of how to improve it. Or worse, and I always hate this when it happens to any of my stories, I realize that I didn't do enough preparation time into the bloody thing. There's a question of what next that I can't ever seem to answer even though, ideally, it should be something that I should be able to answer because again it's my book. The hard thing is that when I think I can answer it I realize that to answer question A, I need to know item b, c, and d. If I don't know the items, the question isn't quite so obvious.
To make this even more interesting is that I'm not the only one who is frustrated by this. No joke folks. So many people have heard about the Golden Crown in the last 14 years that I think I've gotten all of them so eager to read it that they wouldn't care if its horrible. They just want it done. My husband is no exception, actually I think he's leading the pack. He tells me constantly to just keep going, to push through past the need to know the items to answer the question, just answer it and get on with it.
Intellectually I know he's right, emotionally I know it too, but for some reason I can't do it.
Here's the usual sequence of events that happens every time the Golden Crown comes out. First I get an idea, I start thinking about it. It gnaws at me for several days until finally I give up and start writing whatever the thought is. I explore it with the words, with my minds eye, even with my ear (yes folks, I talk out my stories, leave me alone). Then, I get to this point that simply exploring the idea isn't enough because snippets of paragraphs, dialogs and over all thoughts from the characters themselves start to invade my writing. I try to push past them, jot down the snippets to go back to the exploration. It doesn't work, it gets worse, more insistent to the point that it invades my dreams until finally I give in and I start writing the scene.
I begin and in two days I write 15 pages worth of stuff, okay, technically it's 14.5, but whose being specific anyway? It shocks me, surprised that so much can flow out so fast. The reality is that these long bursts of writing happen so often that it really shouldn't be a surprise or a shock and that frankly, I should just give in at the very beginning when they first start pushing at me (the snippets that is) and save myself from agony. But can I do something like that? Noooo, that's indecent!
Anyway, so the shock leaves me bewildered, I do my little head shake and despite my vow not to tell Ike that once again I'm almost back to the drawing board instead of writing the story about the Golden Crown, I have to say "Wow dear, can you believe that in two days I wrote 15 pages worth of stuff?"
Naturally Ike asks me what did I write about? Which story is it this time? I then give him some speech about how I'm not sure if I should tell him because I know how he's going to react. Usually he says tell me anyway so I do. Tonight though he did something different. I told him that and he shrugged and said, "Okay, then don't tell me."
I was caught completely off guard and now, an hour or so later, I realize why he did it, because he already knew just by me saying it what story I was working on. I stare at him, he smiles then tells me to go ahead and say it because if I don't it's just going to eat at me. So I do and sure enough he has this look of not again.
Just like always I try to justify it "I'm not changing the story, not starting over. I'm just exploring a certain part that I hadn't before. You know, filling it out."
He then tells me that he thinks I'm now starting to make it too complicated (which he may be right about, but I'm not sure). I explain how I can't help it and once again equate the Golden Crown and Nyx to being my ultimate story. It's the story to rule them all and since Tolkien and C.S. Lewis are both big inspirations for me in regards to what a grade A super novel should be like I am hoping, praying, wishing that the Golden Crown and Nyx will be that for me. Tonight though Ike suggested a different comparison because while yes, both Tolkien and Lewis put in a boat load of details (Tolkien more than Lewis as anyone who has read both can attest to) in their books, it probably didn't take them 20 years to do it. I'd have to research it to find out though as I'm not completely sure on if he's right.
He then mentioned another favorite author that we share, Stephen King. Now anyone who is a Stephen King fan knows all about the Dark Tower Series. He's got bits and pieces of the whole series in everyone one of his books, or if not all of them at the very least most of them. I noticed it first in Insomnia, but you can find it in his earlier books as well. It's like the itch you just can't stop scratching. It's always there, pulsing against your skin begging for relief to the point where you know if you don't itch it, it'll just get worse.
Thinking about it, I realize he's right in a way though I don't think I can slip tiny details about Nyx and the rest of the cast of the Golden Crown into Memory Lane (it's a totally different kettle of fish) or other books (though I do have an idea of where I might be able to pull it off....that's a different subject though).
The joke though isn't that I'm comparing myself to Stephen King (though you have to admit that's pretty funny), no. Instead it deals with the fact that it took Stephen King about 20 years to finish the Dark Tower Series so I figure, if the situation is really like that in regards to the Golden Crown, then I have only 6 more years to struggle with it before it all comes together....yippee!
Wednesday, 14 January 2009
Brainstorming
You know what I find interesting? How our mind works. I'll take myself for example. Right now I'm tired, extremely tired, despite going to bed early I'm still on the precipice of being asleep. If I slow down for too long, say to watch TV or something, I'll be asleep in under ten minutes. Which of course means I'll have to keep moving. But, what is interesting is that despite the strong urge to close my eyes and go to sleep, I'm still thinking about a possible story.
Here's the situation. I learned of a writing contest that, if I was to win, the grand prize is $3,000 dollars plus a trip to New York for me and one other to meet with Agents, Editors and a Publisher. The entry is due in May and honestly I would love to win the grand prize. I have until May 15th to submit a short story that is 4,000 words long. That is the hard part. I have several possible ideas that could work. A serial killer confessional, Siam, I could even do a short story about Alex or maybe even Genie.....actually that's a really good idea.....Okay, a really good idea. I'd have to chew on it for awhile.
The problem however is this: How do I make it only 4,000 words and be interesting? This may not seem like a problem to most people, but I'm a slow and gradual kind of writer. I like to bring things out in time, pace the story so a short story feels, well, short. Of the four ideas, only three of them are actually viable for a short story. My serial killer piece, I'll be honest, the main character killed 19 people and you can't really confess to all 19 people in just 4,000 words. It's just not possible so realistically, unless I have the character only confess to the first one and leave the judges wanting more, then maybe. In reality though the Judges probably aren't going to care. A story is suppose to have a beginning, a middle and an end. If you leave them wanting more, clearly you don't have an end.
With Alex and Genie, well they are easy simply because I can do something from their life earlier than the story that I'm writing for them. Genie is CIA, I'm positive I could come up with some kind of mission gone wrong that can finish in 4,000 words.......okay, probably 8,000 words, but I'm flexible. I'm sure I can figure something out. If I do Alex then at least I can give her a try with readers that aren't friends or related to me. There is a sort of bias when it comes to friends and family after all that just can't be ignored....no matter how much you wish you could.
Siam is designed to be several short stories combined with one long story. Think of it like this: Chapter 1 is of course an introduction to Siam and the other people along for the ride. You find out what she looks like, how she acts...her strange sense of humor and that something isn't exactly right about her. Normal just doesn't apply. The second Chapter is in her point of view, she basically is talking to the reader while telling about this one job that she did. The hard part for Siam is that I have to step in and out of her skull throughout the whole story. For a short...which I might have one already accomplished now I think about it.....it would be of course from Siam's perspective, talking about a client. The problem is that I don't think it's 4,000 words, I think it's more.
I suppose I could do Nyx. If anyone is the easiest to write for it's Nyx, but she has a nasty habit of picking me up and running me where she wants to go which will take as long as it takes thank you very much.
There's one other possibility I suppose, an idea that has teased me off and on for the last few years. It's about my favorite theoretical subject, multiple realities. Here's the picture: A woman is walking into her kitchen to get some food for her children. She takes one step, two steps then bam, pain and she's out like a light. When she wakes up she's in the body of one of her duplicates within another reality. I know all the answers about how, why, what, when, where and who of course, but again, my problem with it being too long. I seem to be missing three separate genes in my body. The first one is the knack of drawing on paper, I just don't have it. The second seems to be the morning person gene. I am not happy with waking up early, I have a hard day the whole day if I do. Bad enough my daughter wakes me at 8:00 AM every morning, but when I have to wake up at about 6:30 just to get ready to go to the gym....I get cranky. The third gene is the kicker, it's the one that allows me to think up short stories instead of longer ones.
Anyway, who wants to read a 4,000 word story? What can you do with that? Not very much, unfortunately, you have time for one twist and that's it. Sadly I think that's a little boring, so what do I do? The answer is simple, I have until the middle of February to come up with an idea I like that could work then I have until May to write and edit the bloody thing. Plus I have school on top of that.............
I think I should have named this entry as Brainstorming and Whining. It seems half of this is just that, one or the other. The reason I'm brainstorming here instead of with my husband is because this week he's in Florida and next week he'll be in Arkansas, leaving me without a partner in the fiasco. The problem is that Ike and I think about things very differently, which is why it's easier to bounce ideas off of him since he looks at it in a completely different way than I may. This tells me one thing for certain.....I need to find more people that think like he does so that when he's away I'll have someone else to bounce my ideas off of.
Incidentally, if anyone thinks one of my ideas would be better than another, please let me know. The more input the better.
Here's the situation. I learned of a writing contest that, if I was to win, the grand prize is $3,000 dollars plus a trip to New York for me and one other to meet with Agents, Editors and a Publisher. The entry is due in May and honestly I would love to win the grand prize. I have until May 15th to submit a short story that is 4,000 words long. That is the hard part. I have several possible ideas that could work. A serial killer confessional, Siam, I could even do a short story about Alex or maybe even Genie.....actually that's a really good idea.....Okay, a really good idea. I'd have to chew on it for awhile.
The problem however is this: How do I make it only 4,000 words and be interesting? This may not seem like a problem to most people, but I'm a slow and gradual kind of writer. I like to bring things out in time, pace the story so a short story feels, well, short. Of the four ideas, only three of them are actually viable for a short story. My serial killer piece, I'll be honest, the main character killed 19 people and you can't really confess to all 19 people in just 4,000 words. It's just not possible so realistically, unless I have the character only confess to the first one and leave the judges wanting more, then maybe. In reality though the Judges probably aren't going to care. A story is suppose to have a beginning, a middle and an end. If you leave them wanting more, clearly you don't have an end.
With Alex and Genie, well they are easy simply because I can do something from their life earlier than the story that I'm writing for them. Genie is CIA, I'm positive I could come up with some kind of mission gone wrong that can finish in 4,000 words.......okay, probably 8,000 words, but I'm flexible. I'm sure I can figure something out. If I do Alex then at least I can give her a try with readers that aren't friends or related to me. There is a sort of bias when it comes to friends and family after all that just can't be ignored....no matter how much you wish you could.
Siam is designed to be several short stories combined with one long story. Think of it like this: Chapter 1 is of course an introduction to Siam and the other people along for the ride. You find out what she looks like, how she acts...her strange sense of humor and that something isn't exactly right about her. Normal just doesn't apply. The second Chapter is in her point of view, she basically is talking to the reader while telling about this one job that she did. The hard part for Siam is that I have to step in and out of her skull throughout the whole story. For a short...which I might have one already accomplished now I think about it.....it would be of course from Siam's perspective, talking about a client. The problem is that I don't think it's 4,000 words, I think it's more.
I suppose I could do Nyx. If anyone is the easiest to write for it's Nyx, but she has a nasty habit of picking me up and running me where she wants to go which will take as long as it takes thank you very much.
There's one other possibility I suppose, an idea that has teased me off and on for the last few years. It's about my favorite theoretical subject, multiple realities. Here's the picture: A woman is walking into her kitchen to get some food for her children. She takes one step, two steps then bam, pain and she's out like a light. When she wakes up she's in the body of one of her duplicates within another reality. I know all the answers about how, why, what, when, where and who of course, but again, my problem with it being too long. I seem to be missing three separate genes in my body. The first one is the knack of drawing on paper, I just don't have it. The second seems to be the morning person gene. I am not happy with waking up early, I have a hard day the whole day if I do. Bad enough my daughter wakes me at 8:00 AM every morning, but when I have to wake up at about 6:30 just to get ready to go to the gym....I get cranky. The third gene is the kicker, it's the one that allows me to think up short stories instead of longer ones.
Anyway, who wants to read a 4,000 word story? What can you do with that? Not very much, unfortunately, you have time for one twist and that's it. Sadly I think that's a little boring, so what do I do? The answer is simple, I have until the middle of February to come up with an idea I like that could work then I have until May to write and edit the bloody thing. Plus I have school on top of that.............
I think I should have named this entry as Brainstorming and Whining. It seems half of this is just that, one or the other. The reason I'm brainstorming here instead of with my husband is because this week he's in Florida and next week he'll be in Arkansas, leaving me without a partner in the fiasco. The problem is that Ike and I think about things very differently, which is why it's easier to bounce ideas off of him since he looks at it in a completely different way than I may. This tells me one thing for certain.....I need to find more people that think like he does so that when he's away I'll have someone else to bounce my ideas off of.
Incidentally, if anyone thinks one of my ideas would be better than another, please let me know. The more input the better.
Wednesday, 7 January 2009
It's the New Year
Well, as you all know, we're in 2009. Whoo hoo! It's starting out wonderfully for me so far.....I'm working out to get thinner and healthier, I'm trying to eat more regularly which leads to another irritation of mine, which I may or may not get into later. And on the 9th I'm going to be starting school again. Yipee!.......okay, I'm not as excited about it as I usually am. I liked being on vacation so to speak from learning and doing anything that required strenuous thinking beyond what I wanted to think about. Oh well, hopefully my enthusiasm for it will come after I start.
Then, my biggest resolution, finish the blasted book! We all have resolutions that we make every single year, or at least a list of of them. It's fairly simple, the first five.
1. Loose weight
2. Spend more time with my family
3. Clean the house more regularly
4. Get out of the house more often...aka, make more friends
5. FINISH THE BOOK
At least this year I'm a bit closer after what, 14 1/2 years of saying that resolution? You know, in thinking about it if I was asked what my biggest accomplishment was I'd have to say that I've never given up being a writer. I've given up so many things in my life, usually when they were half completed, but writing a book...writing several books....never gave that up. It's my dream, my quest. I suppose in the scheme of things we all need that one obsessive project. Mine is SGU and the book. I just need to be a bit more dedicated. Write on one story every day, not change which story I'm writing each day. Hey, at least I do write every day though.
I'm at page 80 of my manuscript, working on editing it more regularly than I have been. It's been ebbing from frequent to only one page a day, which is hard enough because I sometimes feel like I'm a slacker in regards to it. Though, in retrospect the fact that I only started last August and I'm at page 80 after already adding over 100,000 more words to it isn't that bad, but if I hope to have it finished by my birthday, I need to really start cracking.
There are just days when it's easier to not worry about it than to actually sit down with it.....
So here's my resolution for my book. I will work on it every day, even if it's just a few sentences. Yeah, that sounds good......
Here's hoping.
Then, my biggest resolution, finish the blasted book! We all have resolutions that we make every single year, or at least a list of of them. It's fairly simple, the first five.
1. Loose weight
2. Spend more time with my family
3. Clean the house more regularly
4. Get out of the house more often...aka, make more friends
5. FINISH THE BOOK
At least this year I'm a bit closer after what, 14 1/2 years of saying that resolution? You know, in thinking about it if I was asked what my biggest accomplishment was I'd have to say that I've never given up being a writer. I've given up so many things in my life, usually when they were half completed, but writing a book...writing several books....never gave that up. It's my dream, my quest. I suppose in the scheme of things we all need that one obsessive project. Mine is SGU and the book. I just need to be a bit more dedicated. Write on one story every day, not change which story I'm writing each day. Hey, at least I do write every day though.
I'm at page 80 of my manuscript, working on editing it more regularly than I have been. It's been ebbing from frequent to only one page a day, which is hard enough because I sometimes feel like I'm a slacker in regards to it. Though, in retrospect the fact that I only started last August and I'm at page 80 after already adding over 100,000 more words to it isn't that bad, but if I hope to have it finished by my birthday, I need to really start cracking.
There are just days when it's easier to not worry about it than to actually sit down with it.....
So here's my resolution for my book. I will work on it every day, even if it's just a few sentences. Yeah, that sounds good......
Here's hoping.
Sunday, 14 December 2008
Holiday Season
Well, as you know it's the holidays. What does this mean? It means that we all run around with our heads chopped off! Yep, that's the truth. Find me one person who is completely calm and at ease and I'll faint from shock. I love Christmas, but I'm in a cynical mood right now.
So I finally got to page 71, I'm at midnight in the story...finally...and what happens? I get stuck. Arg, nothing more frustrating than that.....no, that's not true, what's frustrating is when my e-mail doesn't send the reply that I created. Now that's frustrating!
The problem with my book isn't that I can't think of where to go. It's how to express what my main character is feeling. I can't write much about what she's doing because she's tied to a chair and let's be honest, this is more about a mental journey than in a physical one (though there is some physical to it as well, okay a lot but at this moment in the story, we're going mental....LOL). So how do I write it convincingly? That, my friends, is the crux of it all.
Sigh, well I can't write much more than that today. We're planning to go get some Christmas shopping done, find presents for my mother-in-law then hang up our pictures around the house. Though, now that I think about it, I'm not really in the mood to get in the car and go anywhere. I'd rather stare at the computer and pretend that I'm doing something worthwhile. Did I mention that I also happen to get a bit lethargic in regards to normal activities around the Holidays? No? Well, I still probably shouldn't. VBG.
So I finally got to page 71, I'm at midnight in the story...finally...and what happens? I get stuck. Arg, nothing more frustrating than that.....no, that's not true, what's frustrating is when my e-mail doesn't send the reply that I created. Now that's frustrating!
The problem with my book isn't that I can't think of where to go. It's how to express what my main character is feeling. I can't write much about what she's doing because she's tied to a chair and let's be honest, this is more about a mental journey than in a physical one (though there is some physical to it as well, okay a lot but at this moment in the story, we're going mental....LOL). So how do I write it convincingly? That, my friends, is the crux of it all.
Sigh, well I can't write much more than that today. We're planning to go get some Christmas shopping done, find presents for my mother-in-law then hang up our pictures around the house. Though, now that I think about it, I'm not really in the mood to get in the car and go anywhere. I'd rather stare at the computer and pretend that I'm doing something worthwhile. Did I mention that I also happen to get a bit lethargic in regards to normal activities around the Holidays? No? Well, I still probably shouldn't. VBG.
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