Tonight I think I finally nailed my query letter. I'm actually, gasp, happy with it. I just hope it works out. Now all I need to do is finish editing the fourth draft, cut out close to 25,000 words *sob*, get it proofread then actually send the blasted thing off to get rejected a dozen so times before I can celebrate the victory of an agent which will then lead to the victor of publishing and starting all over again. YAY!
Sweet Mother, it seems like a long, long, long, long road until I get there. Writing. I remember back when I was 14 and I was swept up into the enthusiasm Mrs. Farrell brought about with her encouragement. I was going to be the next Tolkien. I knew I would be. Now look at me, I'm 30 (no sympathy please because I honestly don't mind it at all) and I'm stilling whining about how much further I have to go.
Well, at least I finished the book...mostly. On Fan Story I've been getting good reviews with great pointers and help from the peanut gallery (and I do mean it in the nicest of ways, honest). And these are complete strangers who have no affiliation with me personally other than a love for the written word so that's something. It can't be all bad. And people tell me that they are writing my name down when I give them a brief synopsis of the book so that when it does get published they'll buy it. We'll see how many actually do so when it does happen.
I have decided to start thinking of it as when instead of if. I made that decision because I figured my semi-pessimistic attitude was getting in my way. That conclusion came about from AJJE Games surprisingly enough. How did it happen? Easy. I had to give a speech (actually it was a long post) and in it I talked about a gentleman who taught me that idealism can push projects through. That got me thinking about that particular lesson.
I'm the first to admit, I don't prescribe to idealism. Too many things in my life have shown me that being idealistic just disappoints you. I could give examples, but I'm feeling pretty darn good about my progress that I don't want to go down that avenue. Maybe later..naw, on second thought never mind.
Anyway, as I get older I am coming to the terms to the reality of how I look at life. I'm cynical, but not overly much. I'm not one to trust people either. I actually, to be perfectly honest, I expect people to disappoint me all the time. Why? Because it consistently happens. I've yet to find the exception. If I do I'll probably put it here. But I started thinking that maybe, just maybe, I have to let go of that attitude. Oh, I don't mean actually trusting everyone that I come across. That's too ingrained to just fade away on a gust of wind. No, sadly, I'm stuck in that principle belief pattern. However, I need to give myself and fate a try. I think, just once, I want something to be the ideal instead of the disappointment or reality...which is often both anyway.
So, today...or more aptly, this night, I make a vow. I will think positively. I will shoot not just for the moon but for my favorite planet (okay, they don't call it a planet any more but I'm going to keep doing it because it's special to me personally so pppppbbtttttttttt) Pluto. I want the cosmos and frankly my dear, I don't give a damn about anyone who says that I don't deserve it.
And that is how I nailed it in regard to my letter. I said that to myself and then I just wrote it up. I've been saying it all week with my writing and managed to crank through about 8 chapters so far. Tomorrow I'm aiming for 9. That, incidentally, is the other secret of my success. Every day I have to complete a task. Read over at least 5000 words and do my thing. If I don't get it done in the morning, I work on it through the day. Period, no if, and, or buts.
Wednesday, 25 August 2010
Saturday, 21 August 2010
Fear
You know, I'm one of those people who refuses to admit, out loud anyway, an honest fear. I find if I don't say it, I'm not. Like roller coasters for instance. I hate them, but not because I'm afraid of them. I hate them because I'm not in control of them. Does that make me a control freak? Sometimes, yes, I am. I'm a control freak in the car (I hate not driving). I'm a control freak when it comes to projects I'm personally involved in. When I was working, I didn't want to let go of the Hazardous Waste program because it was mine. I built it and I made it work so it was mine.....I could go on but I think you get the point.
So, admitting that I'm afraid of something is huge. Not just huge, but gargantuan. But again, I have found that sometimes true honesty means saying "I'm afraid." So, now, in a blog no one reads, I will say it...I'm afraid.
What do I fear? I'm afraid that the dream that I've aspired for since I was 14 will never come true. I'm terrified that I won't get published, that my writing isn't good enough to be published. That one day I'll have to give it up. It leaves me quaking, this fear. In thinking about it, I realize that my fear is what has caused me not to get off my ass and actually do what has to be done to make it possible. I have to send query letters out, to see if I have any takers. Until I do, I'll never know the answer.
It's hard for me to admit that, to accept this truth about myself. The thing is, I don't know why I can't pull myself out of it. To just grab myself by the nose hairs and get it done. It's not like me to feel this doubt in regard to anything that I've had to use my mind to pursue. I don't want to sound egotistical or anything like that, but truthfully using my mind to accomplish tasks is not that difficult for me.
I breeze through school with little to no effort (which is funny because I didn't do that well in High School). Mastering art and design has been simple, teaching myself to code equally so. What I succeed at mentally is directly countered in what I fail at in the physical department. Exercise and sports are really not my forte. Proof of this comes from how many injuries I've sustained over the years of attempting it when I was a kid. So in that I am balanced. I have also accepted that when I make up my mind to accomplish something, it's not that difficult either. A great example is to stop drinking sodas. I decided to stop and did it. Except for the first day, I don't have any cravings for it so that is good.
Yet, despite that, I'm afraid of putting myself out there. A part of me knows the reason, it's because I don't want to be rejected. That is probably the biggest struggle I've had all my life. The idea of it makes me nauseous, which is probably the source of this fear.
The question is, how do I push past it? If I ever figure it out, I'll write it here....
So, admitting that I'm afraid of something is huge. Not just huge, but gargantuan. But again, I have found that sometimes true honesty means saying "I'm afraid." So, now, in a blog no one reads, I will say it...I'm afraid.
What do I fear? I'm afraid that the dream that I've aspired for since I was 14 will never come true. I'm terrified that I won't get published, that my writing isn't good enough to be published. That one day I'll have to give it up. It leaves me quaking, this fear. In thinking about it, I realize that my fear is what has caused me not to get off my ass and actually do what has to be done to make it possible. I have to send query letters out, to see if I have any takers. Until I do, I'll never know the answer.
It's hard for me to admit that, to accept this truth about myself. The thing is, I don't know why I can't pull myself out of it. To just grab myself by the nose hairs and get it done. It's not like me to feel this doubt in regard to anything that I've had to use my mind to pursue. I don't want to sound egotistical or anything like that, but truthfully using my mind to accomplish tasks is not that difficult for me.
I breeze through school with little to no effort (which is funny because I didn't do that well in High School). Mastering art and design has been simple, teaching myself to code equally so. What I succeed at mentally is directly countered in what I fail at in the physical department. Exercise and sports are really not my forte. Proof of this comes from how many injuries I've sustained over the years of attempting it when I was a kid. So in that I am balanced. I have also accepted that when I make up my mind to accomplish something, it's not that difficult either. A great example is to stop drinking sodas. I decided to stop and did it. Except for the first day, I don't have any cravings for it so that is good.
Yet, despite that, I'm afraid of putting myself out there. A part of me knows the reason, it's because I don't want to be rejected. That is probably the biggest struggle I've had all my life. The idea of it makes me nauseous, which is probably the source of this fear.
The question is, how do I push past it? If I ever figure it out, I'll write it here....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)