Sunday 30 November 2008

What is a Novel?

Sorry, I was going to wait until tomorrow to post in here again, but this just popped into my head and dang nab it, I just had to share it.

It was a memory. I think I was about 19 or 20. I do know it was before I got married, but I don't remember if it was before I joined the Air Force or after. Either case, whatever my age had been doesn't really matter too much. What does is the content.

I remember it was my mother and I...this is my birth mother by the way...the more I write in this I'm sure I'll be mentioning almost every parent that is a part of my life so fair warning, there are a lot. I'll try to make sure I mention which I'm referring to.

Anyway, I was in my mothers kitchen, I had been writing for quite some time and I was working on the masterpiece of all masterpieces...at least mine. It's my version of Lord of the Rings or the Gunslingers. Pick your author, it's my equivalent. Mom and I were talking, as we're prone to do when she cooks and I watch and for no particular reason that I remember right this moment, I decided I had to ask her something.

My question was simple: What did she think about me wanting to get a novel published?

I'd like to think we all ask our parents this type of question at least once. It's the opinion seeking question in the hopes that we'll hear something along the lines of them being proud of us, or that it's a worthy endeavor. It's basically the question where we hope we know the answer that is going to be given, but we're not quite sure that's the answer we're going to get.

My mom stopped what she was doing and did this thing that she normally does. She kind of looks off into space as if she's seeing a television prompt or something, even though I know there isn't one there. Then she said something to me that has stayed with me ever since. She said very simply:

"I think writing is fine, but if you're going to write a novel, it should be about a novel idea. I don't know, but I always have felt that if you're going to call something a 'novel', then the subject should be just that, a novelty, something unexpected...something never done. It should be unique."

That may not be a direct quote, but it's fairly close. It stuck with me so well that I like to share it with as many people that wonder what it is about being a writer. Where is the allure? What's the drive? I don't know about other writers or novelists, but for me the answer is simple. I write in the hope of finding that 'novel' idea. I measure all my ideas, all my brainstorming by that measuring stick. If it's been done, no matter what type of twist I put to it, it's still not unique in my opinion. I want a story that can be told in such a way that it stays with you, that it follows you around even after you put down the book.

This is my goal, my wish, my ultimate desire.....my Golden Chalice. Sure I can go on and on about the thrill of it, how it's in my blood and how if I don't do it I go nuts. I can even dispense knowledge that I've gleaned from the books and interviews I've read over the years about being a writer, but ultimately I have only thing to tell everyone with aspirations about anything. I don't care if it's about being a writer, a Doctor, a Graphic Designer...even a historian.

Find your Chalice, find that cup which will always satisfy and never empty. Once you find it and start directing your compass toward that Northern Star, the possibility of straying is down to 50%. Then, as you follow that heading toward your star, concentrating on making your life a novelty, something that you can personally admire, look back on and say with a smile "I didn't just achieve satisfaction, or success, I achieved true happiness and I am complete."

I'm not saying I've attained that...NOT by far have I attained anything close to that....yet, despite not reaching it yet, I know that I'm on the right path. I am moving toward the best future for myself. Sure, I have detours. I am going to school for art instead of the written word after all. Yet, even though I am going back for my Bachelors, I still know that the end of my road isn't going to have web design listed into my perfect career slot equaling complete happiness. It's going to be in plain bold print: WRITER, NOVELIST.

It's late now for me, well past midnight once again. I suppose I should try to write in my blog during a reasonable time, but I'll be honest, I like writing this when the house is quiet, all the family is asleep. It lets me focus, express myself completely, to share what I think should be shared.

It begins....sort of

Well, this isn't the first time I've tried to do this, but we'll see how I do this time. I just happen to be one of those people that have to keep picking at something until it takes. So here I go again, take five I think...I'd have to check to be sure.

So, what is the point of the blog this time?

Well, it's simple, I wrote my book. I put the fated words, The End. I have the Epilogue, I have a plan for another book after it...actually for two books after it. Of course, the first step is to actually really, really finish this book. Incidentally, it's called Memory Lane and I hope you'll all forgive me if I keep particulars of it to myself. You know how it is, paranoia running rampant as it is, it is never wrong to be too careful.

The thing is this, when I first decided and started to aspire toward being a published writer (honestly, if you write, you're a writer. It doesn't matter if you're published or not, if you put a pen to paper, or sit in front of the computer for several hours at a time directing characters and scenes as they need to go, guess what? You're a writer. It's only once you get someone to say, "Yeah, this is good, let's put it on the shelves" or in the magazine...whichever, then you're a published writer. I emphasize this difference for a reason, because I don't know how many times people ask me once I tell them that I'm not published yet, "Oh, so you're trying to be a writer!" Grrr), I had always thought, believed, perhaps even been told that the hard part is writing the book.

Well, folks, let me tell you something.....

IT'S A LIE!!!!!!

Oh no, that's not that hard part. Now please, don't get me wrong, it's hard to write the bloody thing. Yes, it's actually quite difficult simply because you have to create it from scratch, put it together...etc. Frankly, it's amazing that all the writers out there aren't either crazy or bald....or both. The part that's even harder though, is editing your own writing and let me explain why.

When you get that heady feeling after writing The End, you can't help but think that it's perfect. That's it's finished, I mean finally finished. You close it, you celebrate. Perhaps you go out to dinner, get a little drunk. Heck, maybe you eat a whole pint of ice cream or treat yourself to a new gadget. Whatever you do, you can't help but walk around with this glow. This feeling of complete accomplishment. There's nothing wrong with the manuscript, you're positive of it.

Then you take all the advice that has been giving to you about it. You know which I'm talking about. The wonderful piece that says, ignore the manuscript for awhile.

If you're a writer you know what I'm talking about. If you're not, well the principle is simple. Essentially because of that heady feeling you get upon completion tends to blind all of us (yes, even the writers that have been doing this for forty years will still tell you that they get that rush. It's like what race car drivers feel when they get behind the wheel once more). I mean, really blind you.

So you forget about it, you're driving yourself nuts by saying over and over in your noggin' "I'm forgetting about it. I won't touch the manuscript. I know, I'll do something else. I'll read. Or I'll work on another story. Or I'll watch a movie. PERFECT! A movie won't let me think about my book." Then, because our brains must torture us, you unfortunately pick a movie that is about a very similar subject as your manuscript. In fact, you keep picking movies and/or activities that their only consequences is that it keeps reminding you that the manuscript is there, beckoning you.

Two weeks pass, and more than likely insanity has begun to sink in. Some muttering under the breath, giving the computer the cold shoulder. Maybe even banishment of all movies/books/activities that are designed to remind you of the bloody thing. Then it gets worse.

That night, of all the miserable things our mind can do to us, instead of dreaming of Brad Pitt (or Angelina Joline if that's more your flavor), you dream of your MANUSCRIPT!

Oh yes, that's when the straw breaks the camels back. You wake up with a jerk, sitting up and disturbing your loved ones with a feral yell, growling and crying at the same moment. In a vain attempt to chase away the driving need to run to the computer, you jump in the shower. You make it cold, if it works for other things then surely it will work in this instance. Bad luck though, it doesn't because you happen to remember a scene in the manuscript where the main character jumped into a cold shower to avoid sleeping with his best buds wife....

"That's it!" you say and hurry to dry yourself, completely unaware of the patchy spots where the towel missed. You bound down the stairs, combing your fingers through your hair as best as possibly as you run to the accursed computer and glare at it. A light mantra goes through the brain, something along the lines of "all the advice says ignore it. That's what you're going to do, it's not time to look at it yet, if you do you'll just torture yourself!"

You puff for breath, hoping to calm yourself down, but it doesn't work. You rush to eat breakfast, hoping and knowing it's the last thread of salvation. If that doesn't work, screw the life boat, send in a diver because baby, you're going to jump into the middle of the storm and bedamn the consequences!

*huffs for breath*.............
...............
.................

Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, a fun one, but one nonetheless though only slightly so. Let's call it an occupational hazard and call it good.

My point is this, for the first book, if anyone manages to go three weeks before pulling out the completed thing to look at it and do the second edition of it, I'll pay up a hundred bucks. I can't promise you can spend the money anywhere except in Monopoly the Game, but I'll pay.

I think, if memory serves, I lasted about a week and a half. I do remember that I kept trying to trick myself, to lie to myself. The one lie I remember the most is "I'm only printing it up for when I'm ready to do my editing."

That lie was echoed in my brain for about 36 hours before I realized that I was lying to myself.

Another piece of advice that all writers hear or read deals with the actual editing process. The first thing you do when you're about to do your first edit is to read the thing from start to finish. This is vital, simply because then it allows you to see the whole picture instead of scene 1 through scene 45 or whatever the last scene is. Of course, this is the second piece of advice that we all ignore for the first book....I'm not sure if we'll ignore it for the second book, but since I'm not there yet you'll have to wait to find out....

Because we've lasted at most, being generous of course, two weeks and one day, we are under the mistaken belief that since we wrote the thing, we know it. We know it word for word, we can quote it, we can tell you what happens on page 23. We tell ourselves this and even dare people to test us. Of course no one does because they don't want to make us feel stupid when we really can't do it. I tell people all the time though, "Let me keep my delusion, if you don't mind. I like to think that I know my book inside and out."

This is, of course, a lie, but I'll get to that in a minute. Due to the fact that we believe this lie, we decide to forgo the reading. I mean, come on, it's only been two weeks and one day since we last looked at it, what possibly could we have forgotten????

In light of this delusion we simply go through the manuscript and start adding scenes in a flurry of typing that causes our carpal tunnel to leave us in agony. We end up adding about twenty to forty more pages to the overall book and in our defense we do read the area before and after where we added more material. Just to make sure it flows, you understand.

Feeling pleased with ourselves we finally find the itch decreased and we're feeling proud of ourselves. We now know that we can let it lie, let it sit and stew in it's own juices. Yet, we can't help but think about it. I personally spent about two years writing Memory Lane and after that much time it's ingrained into my DNA. Just one of those sad facts I'm afraid.

However, now that we've gotten over the rush, that spark of adrenaline that came from the creation of the second edition, we get clever. We start to use our ability to lie to ourselves to our advantage. How? That's simple, we ask our loved ones to read our manuscript.

We do this for two simple reasons. One, because they love us (we hope) they'll tell us approximately what we want to hear no matter how many times we ask them to rip it to shreds. Occasionally a family member will do as you ask, but let's be honest shall we, everyone wants to encourage, not discourage. Two, because then we can use this clever lie, "I'll do my third edition once everyone I sent it to reads it and gives me their opinion."

This lie is perfect for us, because some of the people we send it to can't do it immediately. It's one of the reasons we picked them, because we knew without a shadow of a doubt, that it'll take them at least six months to read it. Fooling ourselves with this ploy allows us to finally take the first piece of advice and ignore the material. We can finally get on with our life.

*sigh*

The carpal tunnel finally calms down, the main characters name is but a memory that crops up only once every two weeks depending on how busy we are. The kids start getting antsy because now you're spending your writing time with them instead of locked to your computer keyboard trying to ignore the carpal tunnel. Sure, you still do some writing, but usually it's the brainstorming for the next masterpiece that we'll work on after we're done with the first book...oh, but we're not thinking of that book....of course we're not.

Finally, six months pass and in reality only two of the four people you sent it to have finally gotten back to you, both with glowing reviews tailed along with a few "but"s. We don't mind though, we listen with a bemused smile and sometimes we'll even take that into account. Bolstered by these reviews we print out the manuscript, all neat and tidy. We get a notebook to put it all in. Why do this instead of just read it on the computer? Because it gives us that tactile feeling and let's have another bit of honesty, that rush comes back when you see this:

Memory Lane
by Jessica McClary

I mean, come on, of course that looks cool. If you were me, you'd think the same thing.

Right, so, after grinning like an idiot for thirty minutes, we prepare to read our book, start to finish, no stopping. Our hearts are racing, we're expecting it to be just as wonderful as we remember it. We even had chased out everyone from the house so we can have it to ourselves. A drink on the right, munchies on the left and we're set.

Forty minutes later you're depressed. Crash and burn baby!

Why? Because you just realized that scene two, which you remember so gloriously, had the last fourteen sentences start with the word "She". You left out half of the description you see in your head and, oh yeah, you're character is having mood swings she's not suppose to be having. As you get further in, you're depression gets worse...and worse.....and worse until you're crying into your manuscript by the time your family comes home. Your loved ones ask what's wrong and you wail:

"I suck!"

At which point your husband (or wife) spends the next hour trying to assure you that you don't suck while reminding you that it is the first book that you actually finished and that no one gets it right the first time they write it. Not even established writers that everyone knows is that good.

By the time you recover enough to continue reading it's well into the night. Yet, you keep plugging at it while keeping that mantra going at full force "no one does it right the first edition," then your remember, this is your second edition and you are trying not to cry again.

It takes you two or three days to finally read it all from start to finish, fighting off the temptation to make a few corrections right then. You put it to the side and then, because you're so ashamed of your so called talent, you ignore it for three more weeks. Oh, sure, you make up a worthy excuse for not doing anything about it, but again, honesty should prevail. In reality what we're doing is trying to avoid staring at the truth....you have to do more than shine it up, you have to make repairs because if you don't, forget about getting published.

When you finally get the nerve up to pull it out along with the pen, the highlighter and whatever tools you want to do the deed with, you're nervous. Despite that, you push through, choosing your ideal position to start, get comfortable then stare at the cover trying to talk yourself the rest of the way.

It works and sure enough, there's the first page with the fated words "Chapter 1". Taking several deep breaths you start and that's when you realize that all the times you had thought that the hard part was to write the thing was...A LIE!

This is where I am now by the way. I'm working on my third edition and I've only gotten to 67/244 pages. I've been working on this edition since August 2008 so you can see why I feel the way I do. In the last three and half months I've added over 9 thousand words and about 20 more pages while trying to keep the depression from wrapping around me. As I read more and more, subtracting and adding what is needed, I keep telling myself "next time will be better" and "don't you worry Jess, you're making it better, you're making it awesome. After this one, maybe you'll be ready to find an agent and/or a publisher. Keep your chin up!"

And that is my reality. That is what I'm finding out it takes to be a writer. Not only do you have to write it, you have to play mind games on yourself so that you can do it right. I am learning and now I will be sharing so that hopefully, fewer people will make the same mistakes as I am and get a few laughs while they are at it.