You can thank my husband for today's title as it came out of a conversation in regards to my writing. Before I go into it though, let me start at the beginning.
I take you back to a time when I was fourteen, I was in High School back then and I had been just puttering around in my room. I don't recall being in the middle of anything important and in truth, I don't remember the specific date either. What I do remember is that I had this character, she didn't really have a name, at least not one I can pinpoint as being the first. However I knew everything else from her height, the color of her hair and eyes, even her attitude in general. She is, and I say this honestly, my first character. I've spoken about her a number of times off and on so I'm sure it's obvious that I'm talking about Nyx.
On this one particular day I asked a question of myself that led me to where I am now. I asked simply "How did dancers (as in the profession) come about?" Simple and you wouldn't think it would go anywhere, but it did for some reason. I started having visions of them being mighty warriors, skilled in all aspects of things. A group of people that were not only respected, but envied and left those they passed in simple awe. Immediately I knew that my character would work exceptionally well within in this profession. I went running from there with the idea. I did my research and started to craft together a race of women who lived together in an order. I'm not sure why I didn't come up with something more original than just calling them Dancers. It doesn't matter any more really because there is no doubt in my mind that is their name and that it's always been like that.
Anyway, from the Dancers I began to craft an idea for a story. As a fourteen year old girl I'll admit, the structure I had thought up was, well, depressing. Half formed ideas, concepts that were displayed poorly and frankly my transitions scenes were non-existent. I still have that very first draft of the book and when I look back at it I can't help but laugh at the paltry nature of it.
They are not the first story to suffer from this, nor will they be the last as I slowly move old writing from the paper to the computer. I just can't help but tinker at it. This one story however is the bane of my existence in a way. I'm unable to avoid the thrall of it, though in all truth I don't put that much effort in trying either. It's my story after all so why should I? That's not the problem though, not really. It's a, and I'm extremely biased of course, good story. The problem is that I can't seem to finish the damn thing.
I get about halfway through it and suddenly, bam, I get this idea of how to improve it. Or worse, and I always hate this when it happens to any of my stories, I realize that I didn't do enough preparation time into the bloody thing. There's a question of what next that I can't ever seem to answer even though, ideally, it should be something that I should be able to answer because again it's my book. The hard thing is that when I think I can answer it I realize that to answer question A, I need to know item b, c, and d. If I don't know the items, the question isn't quite so obvious.
To make this even more interesting is that I'm not the only one who is frustrated by this. No joke folks. So many people have heard about the Golden Crown in the last 14 years that I think I've gotten all of them so eager to read it that they wouldn't care if its horrible. They just want it done. My husband is no exception, actually I think he's leading the pack. He tells me constantly to just keep going, to push through past the need to know the items to answer the question, just answer it and get on with it.
Intellectually I know he's right, emotionally I know it too, but for some reason I can't do it.
Here's the usual sequence of events that happens every time the Golden Crown comes out. First I get an idea, I start thinking about it. It gnaws at me for several days until finally I give up and start writing whatever the thought is. I explore it with the words, with my minds eye, even with my ear (yes folks, I talk out my stories, leave me alone). Then, I get to this point that simply exploring the idea isn't enough because snippets of paragraphs, dialogs and over all thoughts from the characters themselves start to invade my writing. I try to push past them, jot down the snippets to go back to the exploration. It doesn't work, it gets worse, more insistent to the point that it invades my dreams until finally I give in and I start writing the scene.
I begin and in two days I write 15 pages worth of stuff, okay, technically it's 14.5, but whose being specific anyway? It shocks me, surprised that so much can flow out so fast. The reality is that these long bursts of writing happen so often that it really shouldn't be a surprise or a shock and that frankly, I should just give in at the very beginning when they first start pushing at me (the snippets that is) and save myself from agony. But can I do something like that? Noooo, that's indecent!
Anyway, so the shock leaves me bewildered, I do my little head shake and despite my vow not to tell Ike that once again I'm almost back to the drawing board instead of writing the story about the Golden Crown, I have to say "Wow dear, can you believe that in two days I wrote 15 pages worth of stuff?"
Naturally Ike asks me what did I write about? Which story is it this time? I then give him some speech about how I'm not sure if I should tell him because I know how he's going to react. Usually he says tell me anyway so I do. Tonight though he did something different. I told him that and he shrugged and said, "Okay, then don't tell me."
I was caught completely off guard and now, an hour or so later, I realize why he did it, because he already knew just by me saying it what story I was working on. I stare at him, he smiles then tells me to go ahead and say it because if I don't it's just going to eat at me. So I do and sure enough he has this look of not again.
Just like always I try to justify it "I'm not changing the story, not starting over. I'm just exploring a certain part that I hadn't before. You know, filling it out."
He then tells me that he thinks I'm now starting to make it too complicated (which he may be right about, but I'm not sure). I explain how I can't help it and once again equate the Golden Crown and Nyx to being my ultimate story. It's the story to rule them all and since Tolkien and C.S. Lewis are both big inspirations for me in regards to what a grade A super novel should be like I am hoping, praying, wishing that the Golden Crown and Nyx will be that for me. Tonight though Ike suggested a different comparison because while yes, both Tolkien and Lewis put in a boat load of details (Tolkien more than Lewis as anyone who has read both can attest to) in their books, it probably didn't take them 20 years to do it. I'd have to research it to find out though as I'm not completely sure on if he's right.
He then mentioned another favorite author that we share, Stephen King. Now anyone who is a Stephen King fan knows all about the Dark Tower Series. He's got bits and pieces of the whole series in everyone one of his books, or if not all of them at the very least most of them. I noticed it first in Insomnia, but you can find it in his earlier books as well. It's like the itch you just can't stop scratching. It's always there, pulsing against your skin begging for relief to the point where you know if you don't itch it, it'll just get worse.
Thinking about it, I realize he's right in a way though I don't think I can slip tiny details about Nyx and the rest of the cast of the Golden Crown into Memory Lane (it's a totally different kettle of fish) or other books (though I do have an idea of where I might be able to pull it off....that's a different subject though).
The joke though isn't that I'm comparing myself to Stephen King (though you have to admit that's pretty funny), no. Instead it deals with the fact that it took Stephen King about 20 years to finish the Dark Tower Series so I figure, if the situation is really like that in regards to the Golden Crown, then I have only 6 more years to struggle with it before it all comes together....yippee!
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