I think I can, I think I can

So here I am, with my book Memory Lane, pretty much edited.  Okay, so it needs a bit more editing, a bit more scrutiny and finding those stinking commas to put them in the right place is necessary, but for the most part.  The darn thing is done.  At least it better be done because in a way I'm sick and tired of Memory Lane.  I'm tired of thinking about it, I'm tired of worrying about it, most of all I'm tired of knowing that it is there on my computer not doing anything.  The thing is that I have to finally get off my ass and send in the letters to the Agents so that I can get representation so that the damn thing can get published.

Get it published, get promoted, do as I'm told and walla, I'm a published author.

Sounds easy?  Hardly, more like it's a struggle to fight between relief that it's all done, apprehension of what the agents will say and down right fear that I've been deluding myself for all these years on my writing skill.  Oh, sure people tell me I'm good, but they aren't what I call professional editors (no offense gang, but lets be honest, you're just a reader, they are the ones who get paid the big bucks out of my paycheck when I get published).

I think about all these things and realize, "Dear Lady, I simply don't want to go through the hassle and the rejection" then, just when I resign myself that I have to do something I find out a friend of mine who just started a book already has a freaking editor.  How sick is that?????  Okay, not sick for him obviously, but when I think that this guy was able to attain a closer step to my dream.  I think, to be exact, that I'm green with envy.  Not a pretty green either, but a sickly green.

After I heard that I'm filled once again with this desire to push ahead while being hit with this fear that I can't do it, that I'll fail....that I'll never get published.  Then it will be a smack in the face that says "Ha ha, see, I knew I couldn't why try?"

But then this other voice whispers to me, "You just won't know and if you think it won't happen then it won't."  It's like the whole the little engine who could.  I think I can, I think I can.....but what if I can't....sigh