Ranting!

Okay, this should be short....I hope.  I just have to get it out of my skull before I collapse in my bed.

Memory Lane!  Curse you.  Once again, my book is haunting me.  I kid you not, I'm in the car today and all I was thinking about was Memory Lane.  I had to get my house ready for a guest who never showed and I was cursing about the fact that I couldn't write in Memory Lane.  I was driving to an appointment and I was irritated because I'd rather be writing and I won't even get into how the kids kept me from doing it.  Then, just to make it worse, my goal of cutting out enough words to have it at the 89,000 words mark failed unless I can find some relief in the first four chapters which I just now remembered weren't subjected to my carving knife.

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Will this torture never end??????

I think what makes it all the more difficult is that I really like my book.  It brought me to tears yesterday in fact.  I kid you not, I was reading a powerfully emotional chapter and wanted to bawl like a baby.  I didn't, can't imagine explaining that to my kids.  No, no, don't want that.  Of course, it's a good sign that I wanted to cry, but also a bad sign because I can't be sure if I'm crying because it's emotionally provoking or because I wrote the damn thing. 

One last thing about Memory Lane.  The biggest crux of all in my opinion.  This book has a lot of swearing.  When I say a lot, I mean it.  I think there is at least one cuss word in every scene.  So what happens when I get into the mind of Alex?  I start to cuss about EVERYTHING.  This is, of course bad, especially considering that the kids are with me all the freaking time.  So I have to bite my tongue throughout the day.  It's a shock that I don't have permanent grooves in my tongue from the effort.

Anyway, that's where I'm at now.  I'm going to carve up the Epilogue then attack Chapters 1 - 5 to inch me closer to my goal word count.  Which of course will cause me to have to do the most painful of all things, cut out complete scenes.  Just writing it makes me want to bang my head against the keyboard fruitlessly.

And through it all, the only thing I keep thinking is that, I asked for it.  I want to do it despite the emotional, mental and physical stress it is putting me through.  (On the positive side, I've yet to have a flare up from my wrist....now hopefully I don't jinx myself).

So that's my rant for the night.  Damn Memory Lane!